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DMT Light Dose – Closed Eye Initiation
Usually I keep my eyes open. I thought I’d keep them closed during the entire process this time which was actually not easy. A light was on, so my eyelids were not bathed in total darkness.
I inhaled a very small amount, perhaps some was already soaked into the liquid pad from a prior experience. I think I took two hits.
Suddenly there’s a blank of memory then things are just happening and I don’t even really know it’s happening or what indeed is happening. I’m panicking but also simultaneously not. All my feelings are paradoxical. I’m confused about everything.
My mind is racing “fear, joy, panic, let go, what’s happening?” etc… I know I’m on DMT. I even know I’m on a benzo that hasn’t even kicked in yet that I pre-ingested before feeling the urge suddenly. So I have not really lost touch with reality. The visions however are very lucid.
I’m in the middle it seems of these four white corridors, there’s a door I’m then hovering over and yellow Homer Simpson type things are rushing by. I think I conjured them with my imagination but I don’t know. Everything is changing but I don’t really know what’s changing. I think there are windows but I don’t know. I really don’t know anything. I don’t know how I feel or what I’m meant to be doing or if I’m meant to be doing anything at all.
I can semi-control the visions with my imagination because I envisioned Marge Simpson’s blue hair if I remember right, but it’s semi out of control. I don’t know what’s going on. Darker pattern type things close and fold across like a book cover (patterns like the Necronomicon’s cover from Evil Dead) and then everything twists and these covers fall off. I’m in this white place still. I think there were wooden shelves. I really don’t know where I was. I think I was on top of a wooden shelf or counter.
I feel like the place is a classroom briefly. But there’s no message or lesson, I’m just tripping hard.
My mind is racing constantly and I don’t know what the substance or trip wants me to do. I’m trying to appease it. I don’t know what it means to let go and I don’t know if I’m actually meant to. I don’t know what’s going on or what I’m doing.
Then out of nowhere, I have a brief moment of meditation-like peace where things just happen and thoughts cease, this seemingly occurs randomly out of nowhere and I enjoy this moment. I have dark patterns and a sort of buzzing or vibration I cannot quite put my finger on, and in this moment I realize an expansiveness of awareness. I realize the self the observer behind the conscious experience… Shortly after for no reason racing thoughts come back.
I realize I don’t want this to end I want to stay here longer. It seems a bit like a Salvia trip actually (especially the repetitive Homer Simpson things running past my vision near the beginning), but I think I can feel my body still. I’m intrigued and want to watch things for longer.
Near the end in this white place of corridors there’s a glass window off to my right and there’s a man reaching through or over it or something offering me his hand beckoning me. I’m unable to move in the vision though but I enjoy his presence. I feel things fading or wearing off and this saddens me. I DO know that I definitely want it to continue.
I was then able to manifest very frightening imagery which both simultaneously scared me and didn’t. This thing comes up right in my face and bites down showing its teeth and bright red lips. Weird apparitions that get right in my face. I’m enjoying these scary things like a horror movie almost.
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Although I’m aware of all these things throughout and like, even the fact I’m on benzos, on DMT, etc (I think I briefly forgot near the start until I “came to” in this place), it just occurs to me suddenly in the middle of all this while atop the wooden shelves: “I don’t know who I am.” I actually considered that thought specifically, and realized that yes it was true, I actually really don’t know who I am.
I don’t think I knew my name…
I could feel my body though. I wasn’t sure if I would die and I didn’t know if it mattered if I did. I didn’t really seem to know much of anything at all. I wasn’t sure which thing was more real, reality or new reality. I knew my brain was being fucked but it didn’t matter for this dilemna, because it felt like taking off a VR headset in a way or being external from perceived reality at brief moments when thoughts ceased and I focused on what was taking place and the expansive “Being” or awareness that I was.
Ego Death
The quintessential psychedelic experience is ego death. Ego refers to our “self” or rather our sense of what our self is, it is what makes us feel like an individual separated from the world around us. It is the constant “I”. Death refers to metaphorically losing that sense of self.
Ego death can take many forms, including “ego replacement” which is where rather than experience death of a sense of self, who you are is simply replaced. For example, you may “become” your grandma or “become” a character from a TV series you know.
The sense of self can also fracture into seemingly many parts, and you can experience numerous elements of your own self that lie behind the main self. It is like getting in touch with the board of directors who run your subconscious mind and decide what gets put into your main consciousness. Sometimes these different elements of your personality will have a different voice when talking in your head… Not like schizophrenia hearing voices, but like the mental voice we all hear when reading something in our minds, or thinking about something. It is usually our own voice but this changes.
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But the true “ego death” experience that most are interested in is the absolute and utter loss of “self”. Total unfication with the Oneness of all things, complete awareness of the now seemingly obvious knowledge that all things are one, everything is an aspect of one thing.
Like leaves on a tree. We are a leaf that forgets it’s the tree.
Quite literally and scientifically, the sense of self is a construct of the brain and we can accurately explain precisely which systems in the brain give rise to the sense of self. Therefore, the sense of self (even if accurate) is the real hallucination since it’s created by our brain – not something inherent to being a living conscious thing. It is likely living things with brains not nearly so developed as ours would live in a constant state of “egolessness” or closer to it than we are.
Also quite literally and scientifically, we really are part of one whole. Everything in the universe is simply a formation of universal matter, the wall beside your bed, the floor beneath your feet, the car driving past you on the street, the trees, other animals, the clouds… Every single particle, every atom, everything in this universe quite literally IS the universe, in the same way a leaf IS the tree… It is a matter of perspective. Whether you choose to focus into the smaller parts of the whole, or zoom out and view the singular object – whether you choose to view the leaves or the tree.
This doesn’t seem very interesting to our usual selves, but “experiencing” this fact is unbelievably intense and profound…
In the state of ego death you are entirely aware of and unified with the “tree”. Your “leaf” self evaporates into nothingness…
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To explain how it feels…
This is something incredibly difficult to explain. But look at another person’s chest rise and fall as they breathe right now, do this for maybe 30 seconds, get used to what it looks and feels like to watch this. Now… if you were to say – hit a decent amount of DMT – you could look down at your OWN chest rise and fall and it would be identical to how it looks and mentally feels watching another person’s chest breathe. It does not feel like you, it no longer belongs to you, it is like you are observing another person completely.
The ego death experience follows the path of narrowing your field of self more and more until nothing remains but that formless point of awareness. So maybe your chest seems like it isn’t you but your neck still feels like it is. As the feeling intensifies your awareness may narrow so your neck goes the same as your chest in that it is no longer you, then your mouth, nose, etc. and it keeps going until nothing is left BUT your mind.
Eventually, you experience a sensation of being without a body at all. You are just pure awareness in a void. You have no body… It is not an out of body experience in the sense that you are in a fake “spirit” body looking down at yourself like accounts of near death experiences… Rather, your awareness is simply “out there” as a singular point without form because every part of your physical form ceased to belong to you (or even ceases to exist) from the perspective of your mind…
Throughout the experience, the more and more your “body dissolves” to put it metaphorically, the more and more you feel at one with everything.
The less you are “you” the more you feel you are an “us” or “it”, and that “it” is the entirety of existence itself. It is spacetime, it is reality, it is existence itself – and you and it are one and the same. The fact that your body is LITERALLY a formation of universal matter (scientifically speaking) and thus everything in the universe IS the universe, and therefore one and the same (like leaves on a tree) doesn’t come to you as a thought like an LSD revelation… You experience it viscerally. You – now no longer a “you” but rather a disembodied awareness with no identity – ARE EVERYTHING. The everything which is the ONLY thing.
Your awareness reunites with all of reality and completely and entirely encompasses all that there is and ever will be. If a sense of “you” remains or returns it is no longer you, it is no longer your body, it is a new “you” which permeates absolutely everything. It’s in everything. If you were to watch another person’s chest rise and fall right now, it now feels like you, THIS you flows in absolutely all that exists. Your bedroom wall will be “you”… As said you permeate everything if any sense of “you” remains or returns.
In this state you often forget things about your own self and life. You might forget who you are, what you are, where you are – you might forget your loved ones and memories of your past. Coming back to sobriety again can feel like waking up from a dream. It takes some time for your system to “boot up” again – so like coming out of a dream there’s that small moment of “what’s going on? where am I?” and then “oh right, yeah, I’m *NAME* and what’s this-OH right yeah I’m holding a pipe because I just smoked DMT from it, okay…”
In some cases you may become convinced that you are dying or that you are literally dead. The latter is particularly common though I have not experienced that myself… Depending on the headspace you are in and put into, the experience can be devoid of any emotion whatsoever (probably the strongest form of ego death as human emotion and everything human ceases to exist), “loving”, peaceful, astonishing, overwhelming, and even absolutely horrifyingly scary.
The Theory of Everything
As many are probably aware the use of psychedelics can provide people with “revelations” about the nature of reality. Here I will provide faithfully the ideas given to me by psychedelics. I will not provide my sober musings, only those conjured up in the midst of a psychedelic experience.
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The Theory of Everything (Presented as a Tree)…
I am given the idea of total and absolute monism. Everything that exists is all one and the same. Using the model of a tree is the easiest way to explain this.
Essentially it is this…
Existence is a singular thing and it can be envisioned as a tree. Every “separate” thing inside of existence (such as you, the floor beneath your feet, the birds chirping outside your window, the flowers in your garden etc.) can be envisioned as a leaf on this tree. On this particular tree, leaves can not ever fall off of the tree, only be reabsorbed back into the tree. Anything that exists is permanently woven into this tree (the singular plane of existence).
Nothing that exists can ever NOT exist because non-existence does not exist.
Leaves can be unique and different from each other, but they are actually just extensions/expressions of the tree. Leaves can have different colors and shapes but they are all actually (at the core of everything) the tree itself. That is why you and I are both one thing and yet different at the same time. Because we are smaller parts of one sum whole total.
We are all the tree and the tree is us. WE (the singularity) are everything there ever was and ever will be. We are unstoppable and all-powerful because we are existence itself.
I do not see that existence itself (the tree) ever changes… It is always the same singular plane, just its expressions (the leaves) are constantly being reabsorbed and transformed into new leaves.
Existence itself (the tree) does not care about you, it doesn’t care about good or bad, there is no Karma, no emotion – it simply “is”.
We are no more important than a grain of sand. Our lives mean no more than that. But we are also no lesser than anyone else around us. We are all equal because we are all one. And we are all much bigger than we believe we are as we are actually the all-encompassing everything. We and it are one and the same.
Ideas such as Karma are human creations added onto baseline ideas of oneness and reincarnation which are similar to the ideas given to me on psychedelics.
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The Afterlife, and Karma…
There is no “afterlife” but there was no “beforelife” either. You already existed at the genesis of reality and will continue to exist eternally due to you being the fabric of existence itself. Before your current life you existed in a different form (a different leaf/leaves), and after this life you will exist in a different form/forms… Just as you are made from matter from many dying stars, your matter will make other forms, other extensions of the tree. You will never cease to exist.
Upon your death you will return “home” to what you really are and where you really came from, which is the tree. You will reunify with the tree until becoming a new leaf.
There is no heaven or hell, reincarnation is accurate. But it will follow no patterns based on whether you were “good” or “bad” in life and you will not necessarily come back as a creature – nor will you necessarily return with all of your being in one thing, rather spread through many things. Adolf Hitler and the Pope are equal in the “eyes” of the everythingness, because the everythingness does not have any concept of right and wrong, nor does it care.
On that topic of good and bad, morals, emotions, pain, there is no such thing. Good and bad does not exist. Right and wrong does not exist. Pain does not exist. Emotion does not exist. At least not outside of the human experience… They are purely human things unique to the human condition (and some other creatures)… Inventions implanted by evolution and natural selection… Your bedroom wall does not feel agony when set alight, agony is a creation of the brain. The brain hypothetically could at any moment make you feel exactly like you are burning alive, but it doesn’t due to hardwiring. When you are set alight, the stimulus of the fire causes your brain to create the sensation of pain. But it does not actually exist in a literal sense.
At the ultimate reality which is COMPLETE ego death and total unification with existence itself, human emotion ceases to exist. Anything that isn’t pure awareness ceases to exist. All that exists is existence itself. There is no bliss, joy, fear, anxiety, nothing. Just awareness and nothing more.
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On Consciousness…
The universe itself (the everythingness) as it presented itself to me appeared conscious. I am given ideas of panpsychism (that some form of consciousness is an inherent force of existence, present in all things)… We are perhaps just a collection of many consciousnesses – from everything that makes up our self – organized into one “collective consciousness” by the brain.
I communicated with the “everythingness” or parts of it during segments of DMT trips – in one particular instance an aspect of the universe which reminded me of Salvia Divinorum’s headspace was causing me to almost crack up into crazed laughter and it wanted me to promise I wouldn’t spoil the practical joke by telling everyone they’re actually all us – that I’d let them keep believing they’re actually humans etc.
The human brain’s function is to organize consciousness. It ensures you maintain one salient thread of conscious awareness and that you follow certain instincts and signals which ensure survival due to evolution. You seek “good” and avoid “bad”. Neither of these things literally exist, they are evolutionarily advantageous inventions. You create memories which you can then learn from and use to ensure survival.
Without a center of conscious organization, you would be a mess of experience, a blob of confused matter where past, present, and every single thought coincides at once. This is something experienced on 4-AcO-DMT, and can be on many other psychedelics in fact, where your mind suddenly has many different threads of awareness coexisting at the exact same time. This can become very confusing and prevent you from remaining present in the moment.
Panpsychism may be accurate.
If all of existence is aware (“I think therefore I am” is the only thing inherent to our being – and if we ARE existence itself (the tree), then it is inherent to ALL of existence because we and it are one and the same), then the fear of death may not be a fear of non-existence – but rather a fear of losing our current vessel and memories, ego, etc. Actual death could therefore quite literally be like the deepest ego death type psychedelic trips where you “cease to exist” and become the totality.
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On the Creator…
If there is or isn’t a creator it is not possible for us to communicate with this thing/being, because it is not in our spacetime (the tree).
We are permanently tethered to our spacetime and can never leave it in any way shape or form. Any creator is something outside of this spacetime and therefore the closest we can get to God is unification with spacetime itself and total ego dissolution. We cannot ever go further than that, not even when we die.
Entities and deities that present themselves on heavy psychedelics like DMT may not be real, they may be manifestations of a higher form of our own consciousness. The fact the themes are similar could probably be explained by a triggering of specific electrical circuits in the brain that resemble the same circuits we use when interpreting certain objects in the real world. On non-psychedelic substances like Datura, even non-smokers tend to smoke invisible cigarettes. On diphenhydramine (an antihistamine) overdoses, people very often see spiders.
If the entities and deities do exist, however, they are also part of the everythingness. We and they are one and the same. You might view them as branches on the tree… A step above us leaves but below the ultimate all-encompassing existence which is the tree itself. When united with the tree itself, the deities and entities feel less powerful than you in that moment. They are an aspect of spacetime.
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Nothing exists but existence itself…
Personal Life Changes
At the baseline before use of psychedelic compounds I am on 200mg Zoloft (sertraline) per day for issues of anxiety and depression. Social anxiety is a prevalent issue I face.
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Prior Psychedelic Experience:
As a much younger man I had experimented with the strong hallucinogenic compound Salvia Divinorum (Salvinorin A being the active component), but though the experiences were incredibly intense they did not ever seen real. As soon as I came back to reality, the visceral realness of the experience simply vanished.
I also had experience on a very small number of occasions with cannabis – a small number because I do not like the effects of the drug. It does not seem to me as though the psychedelic headspace is profound or meaningful, and the recreational effects can often be replicated better with different substances. The main benefit of cannabis seems to be that unlike the more effective substances, it can be used every day.
Cannabis however is the only substance I have had auditory hallucinations with. DMT has distorted real sound like how LSD can make textures and objects move, but the “entities” communicate with me telepathically rather than verbally. Often the only thing literally speaking is my own body… Cannabis gave me auditory hallucinations much like LSD closed-eye visuals.
I also had one experience with “Ecstasy” (active in this case unknown), ingested by accident in an unknown quantity from a bottle of water I was given at a large nightclub.
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Monitored Changes:
My first experience with psychedelics during my actual journey into this field was with LSD. After just the first few experiences with this substance (a number of reports not put up on this website) I did find myself more open to other people around me. I felt that when I went to bars, I would socialize with people in a different way and people would respond to me in a different more positive way.
Rather than socializing with people from a guarded standpoint where I am trying to be liked (or who knows what), I found that I was actually connecting with them person-to-person. Which is something I had not really been able to do since a traumatic experience during childhood losing my mother.
The first major change in my persona came here:
This is the first experience after which I began to feel as though perhaps I did not need to take my antidepressant medicines anymore.
However it was not until a second breakthrough with DMT that I would say my life was completely changed.
The report of that trip is here:
After this trip I did not need SSRI medication anymore. It changed me completely for the better. I only sometimes drop pills of Zoloft occasionally to stave off the bad withdrawal symptoms (withdrawing on Zoloft can make you feel dizzy and naeseous and it can be hard to deal with). But I am no longer on a daily dose and could quit taking the medicine.
I am able to communicate with the people around me in a much more open manner even sober, and this is an effect apparently noticeable to others.
On a telephone call to a relative who had not spoken to me in months, they out of the blue remarked that I sound very different and “very well”. They said I sound much more positive than usual even in the tone of my voice.
I also seem to have regained some sort of sense of humor which I had really lost prior to this journey, following the trauma described which is the loss of my mother at the age of 14.
I am much more in touch with emotions. I find myself able to feel and express sadness more than before – for example a sad moment in a movie of TV show might hit me harder than previously. Physical crying seems to come easier be it through joy or whatever – essentially I am far more in touch with my emotions and able to express them outwardly rather than bottle them inwards.
I seem to have become completely closed off to the ideas and opinions of others. Theoretically this sounds like it would be a bad thing, but in fact for me it has led to very positive changes as I am naturally very easy to influence. I have learned to trust my own life experiences and insights when understanding the world around me rather than allowing myself to be distorted by the words of others.
I appear far more level-headed and even “wise”. I’m more able to understand the psychology between why people are acting a certain way, and more able to intuit what they are feeling or going through in a given moment.
I feel less so that I am more or less important than other people, I feel a sense of INHERENT equality (which I would say is a different kind of equality – i.e. we’re equal because we are expressions of one singular thing which is the sheet of existence) to those around me. This has been very beneficial in the treatment of social anxiety, it is possible I do not have or feel this condition anymore.
Solo DMT Breakthrough: Very bad trip, convinced I was going to die
Update: I now think I know the choking was caused by inhalation of residue which had built up in the mouthpiece of the vaping device, which unfortunately coincided with a nightmarish trip.
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This is an experience I had breaking through on DMT solo (my other breakthroughs have been solely mixed with LSD).
I think this may have happened either because of frequent use – since I’m in the “honeymoon” phase with this substance – or because entering a breakthrough from a state of sobriety your ego is still in tact. On my LSD + DMT experiences my ego was gone and I think this helped.
Another factor may be that I have quit antidepressants. I was able to quit them solely due to the last DMT breakthrough I had while on a 5 strip of LSD, which I reported on this website. I have always taken about 5 half-lives off (Zoloft) between trips, but this time was more like 10.
Anyway I loaded up my vape with a usual amount, put on music although I now believe silence is preferable during a DMT trip, and pulled when it hit 175C.
Unlike any previous trip, it hit harder and faster. My LSD + DMT trips went deeper, but I took two pulls on those. This was on ONE pull of a usual length. And I was totally “gone” before I even exhaled.
And now the terror begins…
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I THINK what was happening is that I was coughing and spluttering from the smoke, but as per usual the walls and lid of reality were taken away, and I’m in this breakthrough place but with my ego fully in-tact. I’m here in a state of sobriety and it’s overwhelming. There are entities and they taunt me, asking “do you think you can fuck with us?!” and as I was coughing and sputtering – presumably on the smoke – I became convinced that these entities were choking me and trying to literally kill me in the physical sense.
Usually I can let go in challenging trips, but because of the PHYSICAL symptoms I was feeling of choking, I panicked BAD. VERY BAD. And what took place I can only describe as a deathmatch in hyperspace. These beings I felt were toying with me, showing me that if they chose to they could end my life. I was fighting but I knew that they were powerful enough that I would not have a chance if they decided to do something to me.
The visuals were intense but I had complete tunnel vision as I was convinced I was going to physically die and that I had gone too far. Images crossed my mind of my family finding my blue asphyxiated body where the entities had strangled me to death. I barely noticed the visual aspect because I was so internally focused on preventing these things from choking me to death.
I pleaded for my life, I begged, I promised that if they let me live I’ll be good. I pleaded that they let me just go back.
At some point I snapped my eyes open. I was in my room but not really, I could see some familiar objects but a lot about it was also unfamiliar, and some things completely hallucinated (in other words were not there in reality at all). One of these things I recall was a triangle made of three deity faces, green, red, and yellow or something. But again I was panicking hard so I did not much notice these things.
I grabbed my phone, I pulled up WhatsApp to text my friend for help:
help
help
plz
help
help me
ive gone too far
help
help me
Over and over. As I messaged my friend there was a blanket/sea of what seemed to be fingers above me or encircling me. I felt that entities were watching me frantically message for help and were deriving pleasure from my fear and helplessness. At some point, an entity which I felt was reclining across me reached over and started pushing keyboard buttons for me or interfering with me typing. I did not want to look at it, I did not look at any of the things I felt the presence of, I just stared at my phone screen.
Unfortunately my friend did not check his phone in these few minutes so my pleas went unanswered…
I did eventually come down.
I do not know what caused the choking, I presume smoke which I would not know because I had broken through before or just moments after exhaling, but it triggered a chain of events that led to an outright panic and battle with all-powerful entities in a realm between life and death.
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I got positives from this experience in any case… An enhanced appreciation for life (as I was convinced I was going to be killed by these things, so it was almost like a near-death experience), and also as a regular sufferer of night-terrors I have been able to sleep easier knowing that nothing could possibly ever compare to the panic and fear I felt during this trip.
It also did NOT undo my previous positive experiences, and I have not had symptoms of PTSD or trauma from the experience. The music I was listening to makes me a bit uncomfortable to listen to right now but that’s about it.
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I THINK it’s possible that using DMT from a state of psychedelic-sobriety increases the odds of a frightening experience. When your ego is gone and you break through, it’s sort of like when you do something drunk – your mind is already altered so you do not feel the fear from what is happening and accept it more readily.
As such, those wishing to use DMT might want to first try LSD. Then low dose DMT on its own just to see the direction is wants to take you in. And then combine small amount of DMT with 300+ug of LSD. When your ego is already gone or fractured, the barriers are down when entering the DMT experience and thus it is more readily accepted.
With LSD I went far, far, far deeper to the point of unification with the singularity of existence itself, and yet there was no fear, and I think this may be due to the ego having been left behind.
With psychedelics the worst thing you can possibly do is fight, resist, and struggle. In this case I felt I had had no choice, as I was sure I was physically choking in the real world, and struggling felt to be the only way I could survive.
410ug LSD + N,N-DMT Breakthrough: Visited heaven, full spiritual/religious experience
I had a good amount of rest the day leading up to this experience, I believe I napped and awoke at somewhere around half 6 PM. I ate a 5 strip on an empty stomach at around quarter to 9 then went for a walk. Earlier in the day I had pre-prepared a dose of DMT in my Mighty vape for use at the peak of the trip.
I had gone for a walk on the LSD, followed some geese, visited a graveyard which I noticed nearby, and enjoyed some graffiti… And that was interesting in itself I thought.
I had an interesting time in the cemetary reading the stones and realizing how weird it is that these people had walked the same streets as me, lived in the same town as me with this same church standing, yet died in 1817. The same place in a different time… Cars drove by nearby whereas for this individual it would have been horses.
As I neared my home I started wondering if I’d even manage to get home, it was only a few minutes walk but I considered getting an Uber. Homes started looking to me like little elf/goblin houses – they seemed too small heightwise than they ought to be. Fitting my door key felt like a riddle, and as I went up my stairs it felt like they were closing in on me or narrowing. I was stumbling around almost like drunk.
I got to my room and just collapsed on my bed. I was tripping so hard I was basically paralyzed, it took a great deal of effort to move. I had pre-prepared my DMT dose and vape as well as my room which I had illuminated with a starlight projector light.
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BLAST OFF
It was on my second inhale of DMT using my Mighty vape that it hit the fan.
I closed my eyes and experienced a complete out of body trip to heaven with visuals… full color visuals of an alternate dimension, intricate and detailed. The colors were very vibrant and strong. Luminescent primary, secondary, and tertiary colors in their purest unadulterated form. Neon in their brilliance and vividness.
To walk through from the beginning, first of all imagine you are a Matryoshka doll (those Russian doll things). The innermost doll.
I did not literally see these dolls they are just a good analogy. Though the visuals were this intricate and vivid. Even moreso in color.
Well what happened was, my human vessel which was this innermost doll was left down below and I was launched/sucked away from myself and upwards. And as I kept going up it was like outer shells of dolls were shattering as I broke into higher and higher realms of reality. Like going from the smallest doll in the set to the biggest all-encompassing doll.
Rather than a tunnel of light going towards heaven, it was more like I was being sucked up from my human self into heaven – I was watching my lower-level-consciousness-selves as I was propelled higher and higher up.
The visuals were very vivid and intense, but difficult to explain… It was like I had a collar around my vessel (whatever was being launched up into these planes of reality), and the patterning was on this collar, like perhaps yellow vibrant squares for example (but these weren’t just random shapes on the back of my eyelids, these were like, fully lucid visions of an alternate dimension) – and I was being sucked upwards through the middle into higher realms of reality and I’d go up through these layers of visions higher and higher.
Until I reached the ultimate reality.
I reached heaven.
It was not heaven in the sense that it felt blissful or anything. That’s the thing, it didn’t feel anything, it just WAS. But it was heaven in the sense of being the ultimate reality. When every layer is peeled off that’s what’s left. I was in heaven. I have visited heaven.
I saw spacetime itself form shape: Outside the boundaries of what I was seeing was void – colorless nonexistence.
I had wondered what possible layer deeper I could have possibly gone except by dying; but then I realized that dying would not do it – because non-existence does not exist, and it’s not possible for anything that exists to NOT exist… “I” or “you” may “””die””” (quote unquote) but we will never get to not exist, we will ALWAYS exist…
I can see where people get ideas about reincarnation… A tree can sprout many leaves – we are the tree… We as in “you” or “I” might THINK we’re the leaf, but that’s just an illusion, a subsection of the whole which is the tree that we ACTUALLY are.
We are all existence, anything that has existed cannot ever NOT exist because non-existence does not exist.
WE are existence. WE are spacetime. WE are eternal. WE are all there ever was and all there ever will be; always “were” and always “will be”. The alpha and omega. We are unstoppable because we are existence itself.
WE are EVERYTHING.
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I also did speak to a divine being or something of that nature but my recollection of that is incredibly scant. I think between my visions through heaven I opened my eyes and spoke to the deity and asked what it wants me to do (I think?) and if it wants me to bring back the experience and tell other people, something along those lines. I don’t remember the specifics but definitely something along those lines happened… I saw a large female deity’s face across my ceiling briefly, I recall.
But the “divine being” did not feel more powerful than me, us, you, WE… That was part of the thing – that everything was one and the same, everything in existence was one. Nothing exists but existence itself. Whatever this presence was, was simply a manifestation of a part of US that was helping facilitate my journey… I in fact felt like I had gone even further beyond the realm where this presence existed.
Using the tree sprouting leaves analogy, perhaps these presences are like the branches. One step above us “leaves” but a step below the ultimate reality of the tree. I feel like during the trip I had reached and reunited with the tree and that was the place I refer to as heaven.
I consider this to be a legitimate religious experience, along the lines of Buddhist belief (I never had any religious belief prior to psychedelic use). This was not getting “high” this was literally a religious experience, a deeply earth-shattering spiritual/religious experience.
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After-Effects: 26 Hours After
I am so glad for this experience.
At heaven there was no emotion because it was just ultimate reality/existence, my human vessel had been left behind, I only felt a sense of astonishment. But when I returned to humanity and reflected on the experience – even now – it was SO overwhelmingly incredible and powerful that I feel like crying.
Usually waking from a trip after you sleep it can feel almost like nothing happened, but I woke still feeling that sense of astonishment. I feel a sort of warm euphoria throughout my entire body, like if I’d woken and remembered I won the lottery or something. I spent the day in a state of relaxed joy. I spoke freely and happily to my family who noted that my voice sounded different in a positive way; telling me that I sound “very well”.
It was a complete spiritual awakening. The strongest sense of oneness with existence that I have ever felt. A sense that I am inherently just as good as anyone and anything else. A reduced fear of death.
It was like an atheistic religious experience. No creators just existence. We the leaves, “DMT entities”/deities the branches (or just a manifestation of a higher form of our own “separated” consciousness), and existence the tree. We are the tree, we are eternal and all powerful because we are existence itself.
And that is a realization so intense and overwhelming it makes me tear up. I shed tears when I came down.
If there is a creator of this sheet of existence we would never be able to communicate with it because it’s out of our spacetime.
N,N-DMT Harm Reduction: How to Use & Safe Protocol
DMT is one of the strongest psychedelic compounds known to man. It is less intense than Salvia but strong in a different sense… Think of DMT as LSD, and Salvia as psilocybin (Magic Mushrooms)… DMT and LSD are more clear of headspace, whereas Salvia and psilocybin-related compounds are often very abstract and bizarre.
If you have never used any psychedelic before, then it’s possible to use DMT, but generally you will want to get used to “altered states of consciousness” first with other compounds such as LSD.
DMT can readily cause TRUE visions. The “pink elephant” LSD myth is a better descriptor for DMT… On LSD you can see true visions, but generally what you see are patterns and warping of specific objects. Visions you do have are most often “mind’s eye”, which means it’s like you’re daydreaming over the top of reality.
On the other hand, if you smoke DMT correctly in a high enough dose, you will see true visions with your two real eyes, as well as auditory hallucinations (generally a sort of alien buzzing sound – but music if you are playing any can also change). This can be overwhelming if you are not ready for this.
Testing Your DMT:
Before using your DMT, you should test it to make sure it’s what it says it is. You can do this by using reagent tests.
A good set to use are the Hofmann, Ehlrich, Marquis, and Mecke reagents. Ehrlrich detects the presence of indoles (your DMT should turn purple when the reagent is applied), while Hofmann can be more specific. With DMT, the Hofmann reagent will turn it a yellow color, whereas 5-MeO-DMT will turn green.
Meck will turn Yellow > Green > Black, while Marquis will turn Orange > Brown.
You can find full color code sheets online to help you determine what substance you are dealing with. If you need further assistance, you can post a photo of your reagent test results here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/ReagentTesting/
Reagents cannot tell you with absolute certainty what is in a substance but you should at least use these before ingesting a susbtance.
For higher accuracy you will need lab testing. There are certain services which can do this for you, such as EcstasyData.org, and WEDINOS. WEDINOS is in the UK and is a free service.
Things to Remember:
- DMT is a very strong compound, and could potentially be overwhelming to someone who is not used to the psychedelic state of mind.
- DMT is NOT the same as 5-MeO-DMT or 4-AcO-DMT. DMT is the term for N,N-DMT specifically. 5-MeO-DMT is a substance contained within the venom of a certain species of toad and is dramatically stronger, and can cause death. 4-AcO-DMT is an orally ingested substance considered similar to Magic Mushrooms.
- You may lose awareness of your surroundings and body, so a trip sitter is advised.
- Do NOT fight the drug. If you are tripping on DMT, you are not able to willpower the trip away. Like a Chinese finger trap, the more you fight it the worse it gets. Surrendering yourself to the experience can help to avoid panic and bad trips.
- It can be helpful to spend some time before smoking DMT meditating on “letting go”.
- DO NOT smoke DMT while standing or in any position where you could fall over.
- Music can alter the experience in a good OR bad way, silence helps to mitigate the potential for overwhelming alterations in music.
- If you are currenlty tripping on other psychedelics (especially LSD) when you smoke DMT, the experience is likely to be tenfold more powerful. It is very likely you will “breakthrough”, and you should expect that so it does not catch you off guard.
Dangerous Combinations
If you are on SSRI medication, or anything which blocks the reuptake of serotonin or releases it, then the oral form of DMT or smoked changa (DMT with MAOI-containing herbs mixed in) is dangerous and must be avoided.
Oral DMT (Ayahuasca) contains a MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitor) which prevents the body from being able to break down neurotransmitters, leading to a dangerous build up of serotonin and serotonin syndrome.
Serotonin syndrome can result in sweating, confusion, delirium, seizures, coma, and even death in severe cases.
Tramadol should not be mixed with DMT because it is known to lower seizure threshold.
Amphetamines, cocaine, and cannabis are also generally not recommended to be used with DMT as they can affect the experience.
How to Use DMT Safely
If it is your first time, then a sitter is advised, and you should start with very small amounts. Do not try to eyeball the dose. Invest in some microdose spoons on Amazon (usually used for nootropics) and a scale which measures down to 0.001g.
Start at a light dose, which will be around 10mg. This should give you an idea of what the DMT experience is like without taking you too far if you decide you don’t like the way it feels.
There is not really any tolerance effect with DMT, which means you can go again after a short period unlike with other hallucinogens like LSD where you have to wait around 2 weeks between trips for tolerance to reset.
That should be noted especially so you don’t overload your smoking device believing you will have built a “tolerance” to the substance.
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I advise using a vaporizer with a temperature setting. You ideally don’t want to be using flames or anything which can spill for a few reasons… First of all, the temperature for DMT vaporization is rather sensitive and without an accurate temperature it can be easy to burn the product… But in terms of harm reduction it is also important: because DMT can cause you to begin to lose sense of your surroundings and body, if you are using an open flame it would be possible to drop it or burn yourself, same if the pipe you are using allows spillage.
This can be mitigated by having a trip sitter handle the pipe and lighter for you.
But I recommend using the Storz & Bickel MIGHTY vaporizer. This is what I have experience with so I will describe how to use this device correctly.
With the vaporizer you get what are called “liquid pads”, which are semi-thick looking metallic wirey Brillo pad looking things. Once you open the vaporizer, you put this liquid pad inside.
Now, you measure out your dosage of DMT using a scale. Microdose spoons can help. What I like to do is to put some sort of small round dish type thing on top of the scale weighing part (for example, the lid of a cannabis grinder), and then put the microdose spoon propped up in there. Turn on the scale and hit “Tare” and the scale should read 0.000g.
Now, take the spoon off of the scale and scoop up a bit of DMT, and place the spoon with the DMT still on it back on top of the scale. It should give you a weight reading. When you are happy with the weight, carefully take the spoon and dump the contents onto the liquid pad inside your MIGHTY vape.
IMPORTANT: This step is very important. Do not just dump it on there and screw the top on, instead, use the back of the spoon to carefully spread the DMT around the pad. You don’t want a pile or DMT or it will not vaporize at once and you will not get a strong enough hit.
You want it spread as evenly as possible around the pad, so when it vaporizes it vaporizes all of it at once.
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Now, set the temperature of your vaporizer. I find success with somewhere around 170 degrees Celsius, but some people prefer to go lower or higher. But around 165 to 175C seems to be good from my experience.
Now You’re Ready to Launch!
Make yourself comfortable, DO NOT stand while smoking this. The best thing is to be reclining in bed or on a mattress on the floor, propped up with a couple of pillows.
Make sure you feel safe and comfortable.
There is a lot of hype around the strength of DMT which can cause anxiety for a new user – however, the experience if you work up to it from lower doses should be comfortable and not as intimidating as people make it sound.
If you are using the MIGHTY vape, once it hits your set temperature it will vibrate. Now wait about 5 seconds, exhale comfortably, then begin inhaling steadily through the nozzle. The smoke will tickle but should not burn, and vaporizing it this way, it should not be as harsh as described by many who use different methods of smoking.
Keep steadily breathing in until you reach lung capacity, then hold the smoke in. Holding it for about 15 seconds seems to be good. Then exhale and go again. And again. Eventually you will reach where you want to be/will have cleared the vapor from the device.
During the inhalation it is likel you will already begin to notice changes. These changes usually first begin happening while holding in the first inhale. You will probably feel a sense of sedation at first.
Most people like to close their eyes, but you can keep them open, whichever feels right to you in the moment.
During the Experience
Your sitter should have safely taken your smoking apparatus away from you, and will be watching over you to ensure you are okay. Unlike 5-MeO-DMT, N,N-DMT is not expected to cause dangerous reactions (sort of like LSD). The main potential danger would be psychological.
You can help to prevent panic by submitting to the experience. You cannot fight it, and fighting it can make you panic. Simply let go. It can be helpful to not attempt to interpret or remember things you are experiencing, because becoming worried about “bringing things back” to tell your friends or whatever, can reduce the purity of the experience.
Generally, DMT is like a dream in the sense that when you come back from it, it’s unlikely you will remember all of it. More likely is that you will remember bits and pieces, things which particularly stood out to you.
On strong doses, the experience is indescribable in any case. Perhaps not because of the experience itself, but because it shifts so much that you don’t really have time to process something and commit it to memory before it’s shifted into another phase.
Remember, the experience WILL end, and you WILL come back to normality. Even if it really feels like you won’t, even if it feels like you’re there for eternity – these are common delusions people have while tripping which can lead to fear – they are not true. You WILL come back. So simply let go and experience it in all its purity while it lasts.
N,N-DMT: What to Expect
Do not use DMT as your first psychedelic. Try something milder like LSD first and in a small amount at that, and work up until you are comfortable with 300 or more ug before considering DMT.
DMT is not like other psychedelics. It is closest to Salvia but with a clear headspace, feeling more real than reality. It will lift a lid off of reality that you did not ever even realize was there, and when that happens it can be extremely overwhelming. If you have no psychedelic experience at all, this could be terrifying. Even to someone with experience, expect it to be astonishing and leave you saying “wtf, wtf, wtf” afterwards.
If you do use DMT, you are best working up from very threshold doses so you know the direction it’s going in. You don’t want to just grab a bunch of DMT and break through. This is NOT like a dream, and a bad trip is not like a night terror. There is a reason many religions practice the use of psychedelics rather than simply lucid dreaming. These things do something to reality that is completely foreign. It will take you somewhere you have never been before both externally and internally, “you” might even cease to exist where it takes you…
It is impossible to explain to someone who has never used any psychedelic substance, much like trying to explain the color green to someone who has never seen green before. You can’t know until you have felt it. And you certainly do not want to end up in the throws of a breakthrough trip with one of the world’s most powerful psychedelics IF it turns out you don’t like what it does. It’s not always sunshine and fairy dust. There aren’t little elves crawling about like you read about on the internet. It does something to reality and existence itself, and in my own experience it mirrors Eastern philosophy like Buddhism/monoism. Know this is something you want before you put yourself at that level.
DMT positively changed my view on the nature of reality and cured me of many mental health issues and struggles, but I have also had very terrifying times with it.
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My experiences with N,N-DMT use a Storz & Bickel MIGHTY vaporizer. I put the liquid pad into the vape, the freebase powder directly on top.
Temperature set to 175C.
I wait until it hits 175C then begin to inhale. The technique is similar to Salvia: a long deep inhale, breathe in some air on top to make sure it’s all down in your lungs, then hold it down for about 15 seconds before exhaling and taking another long deep inhale. The smoke tickles and often makes you feel like you need to cough, but is not as bad as many make it out to be.
On my first attempts I used very small amounts, and waited a little while between attempts. DMT does not appear to have a tolerance effect, so you can trip multiple times in quick succession, testing slightly bigger and bigger amounts each time for maximum safety.
I use a scale which measures down to 0.001g which I calibrate between uses. I use a small microdosing plastic spoon to scoop out small amounts of powder and load into a small capsule type thing that comes with the Vape and is part of the loading device (I am not sure what this specific part is called). Once I have measured out the correct amount, I use this little tube thing and turn it over to deposit the powder onto the pad in the vape, then put the top of the vape back on.
WARNING #1: “Changa” or Ayahuasca should NEVER be used if you are on medication without first ascertaining that it is certainly safe to mix. Changa contains MAOI compounds, and when combined with common medication including over-the-counter remedies and antidepressants like SSRIs, can cause a hypertensive crisis. Even certain foods such as cured meats and cheese can lead to a hypertensive crisis if consumed while a MAOI is active.
WARNING #2: N,N-DMT (often referred to as simply “DMT”) is NOT the same as 5-MeO-DMT, 4-ACO-DMT, or many other compounds with DMT in the name. 5-MeO-DMT is not only more intense than N,N-DMT, but also more physically dangerous and can cause death. 4-ACO-DMT is a separate substance which is consumed orally and acts almost identically to Magic Mushrooms.
WARNING #3: DMT would not be the best idea as a party drug or something to do with friends for a laugh, it can lead to incredibly overwhelming experiences which are deeply spiritual/religious in nature, depending on the dosage and any other substances taken with it… It can be lifechanging… I am not saying it makes you a bad person if you DO use it that way, but I don’t think you will get quite what you are looking for if you use it with expectations of having a fun time (albeit the visuals are indeed very interesting, and might be semi-recreational in threshold doses). For a fun time at a house party, LSD in lower doses like 100ug would probably be more along the lines of what you want.
WARNING #4: DMT seems to be STRONGLY potentiated by LSD. Small doses of DMT while on LSD can lead to extreme breakthrough type trips which might be overwhelming if not expected.
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Effects
Effects may vary based on the amount taken. If you take enough, you might shoot past earlier stages without experiencing them.
I can describe it as such…
The first effect you will notice is a sort of floaty feeling, it feels like your entire body has been administered a muscle-relaxant sedative (Valium AKA diazepam specifically). Visually, distortions apply to specific objects and are sort of like you have applied the Posterize effect to them in PhotoShop, they go just a little bit cartoony and flat looking. The edges not so well defined as usual. It is possible you will hear an alien kind of humming or buzzing noise but I have only experienced this once.
The patterning with DMT is very distinct, it looks a bit like a fish scale/petal pattern. I have seen people refer to it as “Chrysanthemum” patterns and that is accurate, it is exactly like staring directly into this flower. Not necessarily in color.
Whereas LSD visuals appear to warp things like a lenticular-print photo or like a current/wave that’s slow moving – DMT will morph things in that petal type pattern. Usually bringing the edges of a familiar image inwards slightly following that shape.
You may see tracers like you have taken LSD, and looking at screens (mobile phone screens often look particularly bizarre on psychedelics) things may look “cleaner” and letters more spaced apart.
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On slightly higher amounts, things may change color significantly, entire objects may change to a different color, for example your curtains may turn bright purple. Again it only appears to apply to certain objects.
At this sort of stage, your consciousness splits. Your sober self remains, but another consciousness with bizarre thought patterns also emerges and the two coincide.
Because of this duality, at this stage you can see something both still and moving at the same time. For example, with your eyes open you can see that a tower fan in your room is completely stationary, but you will be daydreaming that it is blowing kisses at you and bowing, or something of that nature.
This daydream level of consciousness can spit wild images out at you, as well as thoughts.
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On even higher amounts, when breaking through, the trip feels similar to Salvia in a number of ways.
There is a distinct “blast off”, everything shifts intensely and quickly. Visually it is almost impossible to explain, but it may seem a bit like your vision zooms out or in, your field of view widens or narrows (like a tunnel-vision effect). The boundaries of the room you are in may appear to alter.
Visuals may consist of a strong change of hue like you have turned on a colored lightbulb which is illuminating the room. Other visions like petal-patterned eyes may fill the room, but the trip begins to move quite quickly here and you may not be able to process it as it happens so fast and is such a sudden shift in perceptions and perspective.
With your eyes closed, you may see fully-detailed and colorful visions, so intricate as to be like an alternate dimension… Not just random shapes or imagery on the back of your eyelids, but like you are literally in an alternate dimension.
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Ego death is EXTREMELY likely, and you may feel as though you are no longer your body or that you have reached a higher state of ultimate reality. You can break several layers deep, after ego death it can feel like you go deeper and deeper and deeper, eventually reaching “nirvana”/”heaven” which is a state of ultimate being where you exist as a pure vessel of consciousness.
Regardless of visuals, you may feel a strong sense of unity and oneness with the universe/existence. It feels like you have returned to what you really are/where you came from (like Salvia). You may begin to feel the “everyone is one” type thing that many fans of psychedelics discuss…
To clear that up, I think what it means is not that we are literally the exact same, but that we are like leaves all growing from the same tree. There is one all-encompassing consciousness/2D plane of existence, and each of us are a small fragment of that whole segmented off into what we are (us – our ego). We are all sharing the same consciousness/plane of existence but are different parts of the whole.
You may feel a sense that the separation between living things is an illusion, and that we are ALL this singular sheet of spacetime/existence/consciousness, simply given the sense of separation.
You may speak to something. You might not even see what it is/hear any voice, or even perceive anything as being there, but you will speak as though something is. It may feel like you are communicating with some sort of higher power telepathically. This higher power may be perceived as god/some other entity, or it may be the sheet of consciousness/existence itself which you communicate with. Depending on the dose, this “power” might not feel more powerful than you (for example if you reach “heaven” you will feel you have gone a step beyond the level where this entity exists).
Using the tree analogy, if we are the leaves and consciousness is the tree, these deities may be like the branches. But you can actually go beyond the branches and reunite with the tree.
Personally I have had religious type experiences with this substance which were so powerful that I cried when I returned to humanity.
WARNING: Uncontrollable noise is possible, do not use this substance anywhere where you have to remain quiet. Similar to Salvia, you may be overwhelmed with an unstoppable urge to laugh maniacally, or scream (even if the experience is very pleasant), or shout out.
It is advisable to have a sitter, because like Salvia you can lose sense of your body.
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Common themes and imagery include the Chrysanthemum/petal type shape patterns (very common), carnivalesque imagery which may include clowns or jesters, fantasy-book creatures like elves and goblins, aliens, and religious symbols… Abstract visions may occur but not simply fractals, more like looking into an alternate dimension, luminescent and vivid.
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After a trip, you may feel very sleepy. The sedative type effect remains for a little while post-trip.
Similar Compounds:
Salvia Divinorum (Salvinorin A):
I have found Salvia extracts (30x is what I have experience with) to be very similar to high doses of DMT. Both Salvia and DMT have an intense launch and shorter durations than most psychedelics. Both dissolve the user’s sense of self very readily, and often cause out-of-body type sensations. Both seem to take the user to the same place, which is the place where nothing exists but existence. Both have a sense of “coming home”, or like this is what you have always been.
Salvia is stronger but also more abstract. When DMT takes you to this place, you can see it more clearly, whereas Salvia has the additional effect of confusing you as to what you really are, so you can believe you are a bathroom tile or something of that nature. Salvia is also physically more intense, and you feel a strong sensation of movement, often repetitive (like a flip book) and very overwhelming.
Many people seem to have pleasant trips on DMT, whereas Salvia seems to have a propensity to cause frightening experiences – but this is person dependent, and not as prevalent as reported.
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Possible Therapeutic Benefits
Like other psychedelics DMT appears to have potential to cause lasting positive psychological changes. In my opinion, LSD appears to be a more versatile tool for psychotherapy, as it lasts much longer and more feelings can be provoked since complete loss of ego does not tend to happen as readily. LSD is able to release repressed emotions and trauma.
When “ego” is lost completely, one’s own traumas and mental struggles dissolve with it, which means it is probably ineffective to attempt to work through these problems when a patient is in such a state.
However DMT may be an overarching powerful therapeutic tool for its ability to break a person through to “ultimate reality”, which on reflection in my experience, causes immense lasting positive life changes. A true spiritual/religious awakening type of effect. I have heard similar reports from those who have used 5-MeO-DMT although I have never tried that substance myself.
DMT in low amounts could be effective as a sleeping aid as opposed to benzodiazepines.
It may also be a useful tool for terminally ill patients, as the “unification” with the total sum whole can reduce a person’s fear of death.
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Personal benefits experienced by myself include:
- A sense that I am inherently as good as anyone else.
- A reduced fear of death.
- A sense of oneness and unity with existence, which can help to minimize certain traumas such as the loss of a loved one.
DMT breakthroughs have allowed me to come off of antidepressant medication (I didn’t feel I need it anymore), and changed my view on the nature of reality itself.
328ug LSD + 30mg N,N-DMT: Definite “breakthrough”
At just a little after midnight I dropped 4 tabs of LSD, EC lab tested as being 82ug each, meaning I had dropped 328ug of LSD. Usually on LSD I liven up and want to listen to music but for some reason I did not want to listen to music at all.
I had not taken LSD for a bit over a week. I was not planning to “breakthrough” or anything, but once I was peaking I decided to have a hit of DMT which I had pre-loaded before taking the acid just in case.
My Storz & Bickel MIGHTY vaporizer had no charge left unfortunately, and the charger made no “sense” to me. It was in two parts, and I was laughing like mad at this “alien” contraption. It really is a bit of an unusual charger, you actually have to attach the bit that goes into the plug socket into the head of it if you understand what I mean. I kept putting it in upside down and all sorts. Until finally eventually I got it in right, the right way round and everything.
It was then that I hit the DMT, I began inhaling at a temperature of 175C… Because of the low battery failed attempts where it only heated to 50-something C then began to drop, it’s possible the DMT was “pre-melted” into the liquid wire mesh pad you put into the device, explaining the strength of the experience when I hit it successfully.
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30+mg N,N-DMT trip portion:
I don’t remember much about this part but I remember taking a long inhale, holding it then breathing out, and I may or may not have taken another – I recall seeing smoke coming out of the nozzle. I think that’s the last thing I really saw before everything fell apart.
This wasn’t like an ordinary “trip” or anything like that, I knew STRAIGHT away that this was something very, very, very beyond. I instantly turned off the vape and put it aside and I experienced briefly what I can only describe as something completely indescribable. At the time I was trying to think of how I could document or explain this but I realized it would not be possible. There were no “non-existent” colours or mystical things people say to try to make it sound cool – though I can try to give you a general idea…
I have this projector type nightlight thing in my room I like to put on while tripping. It projects a moving blue mist and green dots which are supposed to be “stars” around the room. When I hit that DMT, my room seemed to glow orange, all the green dots seemed to become- I don’t know- eyes I interpreted it as? But the “visuals” did not really matter here because everything was falling apart.
I was still in my room, but everything ceased to exist: everything EXCEPT existence itself. I didn’t feel bliss. I didn’t feel anxiety. I didn’t feel love. I didn’t feel fear. I didn’t feel emotion because emotions don’t exist where it took me. My human body did not seem to even really matter anymore, in fact I didn’t even feel like I was in my body, I felt like I was the wall… At least visually speaking, because the wall sort of filled my entire vision and it was the 2D sheet of existence itself, and I rejoined that sheet of “all that there is” (existence itself).
Every hallucinogenic compound I’ve ever taken was here in this “everything”. Most notably Salvia. Salvia seems to take you to this exact same place BEYOND “entities”, beyond “speaking to god”, beyond “elves”, it takes you to the matter of existence itself. Except the drug trip part of Salvia obscures your vision of this “everything” because at the same time it makes you feel like you are being physically thrown around and that you’re a green tile or something crazy… Salvia induces psychotic laughter, and here I also felt compelled to laugh-
But I was able to stifle my psychotic laughter. I just kept saying “I know, I know, shhhh, I won’t tell I promise”. We (we being the sheet of existence itself) were laughing at how all the other conscious entities (AKA us, but tricked into thinking they’re separate things like humans and so on) actually don’t realize they are us… That’s what I was promising I wouldn’t tell.
Where I was, was the bottom of the rabbithole. The universe felt tiny compared to me, because I was existence, and the universe is a part of existence. I was all-encompassing. Everything there ever was and ever will be. And evertyhing that ever was and ever will be is also existence itself – it just doesn’t know it. But this sheet, this 2D sheet of existence, that is all that really truly exists.
IT is EVERYTHING.
As it subsided, the trip was so “WTF” and overwhelming that it was like a “sloooowly back away” type thing you see in sitcoms when someone walks in on a really weird situation. It was so fucking insane I was like “uhhh, maybe I should just forget that ever happened and never speak of it again”. Like this:
But of course I didn’t do this as I am writing it to you now.
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Being “ready” for the experience became a laughable thought, it doesn’t MATTER if you’re “ready”, no human emotion etc. matters. Trust me if you get HERE then no shamanistic BS will change anything. It just IS what it IS. And you don’t get to even interpret it from the perspective of a human. Decades of Zen monk practice don’t matter here, because that’s a human thing, and human things don’t exist here. Joe Sixpack lighting up behind a needle-addled dumpster is as “enlightened” as a Buddhist monk when they get “here”.
Even trying to prepare for the experience or engage in spiritual practice seems like the complete wrong way to approach it, because it’s like you are trying to get “here” using your body. But your body is left behind, your human experience, emotions, everything is left behind. To get “here” you have to set aside your Buddhist yoga practice and everything that ever made you you or a human – except when you hit the DMT (specifically on acid, because I have done more DMT before, but it’s the combination that seemed to be like a “2+2=infinity” type thing, the two things together are infinitely powerful), you don’t actually get a choice ANYWAY, as it WILL remove it.
You could have been petrified of getting “here”, but once you’re “here” that doesn’t exist anymore because being petrified is a human emotion and that doesn’t exist “here”.
I stopped existing. Every hallucinogen I’ve ever used seemed to be huddled up here together with me laughing, as I rejoined and became literally the sheet of existence itself. It wouldn’t have mattered if I was alive or dead anymore… I checked my FitBit “in the name of science” and saw it at 64BPM but it seemed so laughable… And literally it is true, even if I the human life is extinguished, existence itself continues to exist…
Salvia kicked in a fair bit. Like the insane laughter. But I was like “shhhhh shhhhh, I know, I know, I won’t tell if you won’t”… And I was like “yess yess I KNOW, they ACTUALLY don’t realize they’re part of us!” and we were laughing at the other conscious “entities” (AKA us but tricked into thinking they’re these different things like humans etc).
In my peripheral something is sort of tearing open a glimpse at me and is peeking at me. It’s all part of that “shhhh don’t tell” type thing. I’m telling them like yesss I know shhh, I won’t tell.
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It shot me so far into the stratosphere, that when I came back, the 328ug of acid I was peaking on felt like total sobriety.
I was still tripping around 12 hours after I dropped, when I took sleeping aids so I could rest.
4mg Xanax + Generous DMT Dosage: Hundreds of entities
September 22, 2020
N,N-DMT, Trip Reports
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(I am aware benzos are considered “trip killer”, this is mostly a myth in my opinion, more like it calms down a person panicking, and slows down the racing thoughts associated with standard psychedelics like LSD. A true trip killer is an antipsychotic class medicine. I am not sure on this, but the effect of benzos on DMT seems far less than you would expect. Though here I think it may have helped allay the racing thoughts I usually get).
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I’ve broken through a number of times but never really remembered these bits (though I feel they’ve happened definitely)… This was with the Sai TAF because the pad etc. on my mighty is a bit decrepit and stale so I ordered new ones. 175C in TCR mode on my box mod. I had the airflow on the top and bottom totally open.
The first hit felt harsh. I wasn’t sure it was even working as I had several total nothingness trips tonight before Xanax (and was a little frustrated by that). I had decided to not even bother trying again until another day, but once I dropped the Xanax (which I take to sleep, due to pretty bad insomnia) I felt compelled… I really was not sure it was working – until suddenly it blatantly was. You can tell by the spacey sedated feel you get right at the start.
I took more than 3 hits. 3 hits is typically considered a breakthrough, but of course it is dose dependent and I am not relying on using little microscopic spoons to determine dosages.
I was already in this place of like 100000 entities when I pathetically took some semblance of a fourth hit. I probably did like half an inhale and held it. But I was (or felt like I was) hyperventilating so it wasn’t easy.
I’m not even sure the fourth hit made the experience any stronger which is odd and unexpected.
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Things were just happening, who knows what any of that was. I don’t have a clue. It was so fast and everchanging that it’s not that I COULDN’T describe it, it was just too fast to remember. There were sooooooo many entities. Not just a few “elves” but like 50 to 100 fully humanoid figures lining every room wall to wall. I didn’t notice them much because I was being passed around or perhaps moving like a railgun shooter at the arcade.
Things were changing fast from scene to scene. So like 100 scenes happened, all quite fantastical, and I had no time to process them because by the time I saw something I’d gone somewhere else.
I did notice coming face to face with this humanoid figure that was larger than me made of, it seemed, yellow dots. It had three bodies, one facing me and the others looking sideways.
I didn’t know if I was dying or would die but it was barely a concern as I felt this was some underlying real reality underpinning all “true” reality and it felt like THAT’S where I actually am now.
I think at times I could feel myself hyperventilate or something but other times didn’t care or perhaps even lost touch.
It was so fast and frantic that I can’t take much from it except a feeling akin to conquering a fear of riding some really huge rollercoaster. I’ve done it before but taking a FOURTH hit when already in “another dimension” etc I’ve never done.
I didn’t want it to end and it did for the first time out of trips I’ve had feel I was being bid farewell somehow. I wanted to stay there but it was getting dark and faded so I just opened my eyes. My room was all funky but I’m quite used to the OEV patterning and colour stuff.
I was just laughing then.
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I was hoping to delve into consciousness and the nature of reality but basically just had an intense drug trip instead… Lol… I wasn’t aiming for some intriguing drug trip I wanted to explore Oneness and consciousness but it was still cool.
It is strange, LSD + DMT trips are the ones where I felt the universe “come undone”. I felt it only once on solo DMT but it wasn’t this intense and it was also scary that time.
Usually solo DMT makes me a bit nervous or have racing thoughts during the trip. I quite like what high dose Xanax did to the experience in terms of removing that. But my intention was to get something different.
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I had stopped use of DMT for a while because without already tripping on something like acid, they just did not seem as “profound” or mindblowig as expected. I did also use it sober on those attempts. I generally found it to be somewhat akin to sleep paralysis in the “waking dreamlike visions” aspect… This was a lot stronger than those times.
It is difficult to judge the strength of an experience to a degree, and I think perhaps it is partly to do with the mindset and specific avenue the trip goes down. There have been some I cried from, and others that did not seem profound at all, just like insane drug trips with crazy lucid visuals.