Category: Effect Reports

Ego Death

The quintessential psychedelic experience is ego death. Ego refers to our “self” or rather our sense of what our self is, it is what makes us feel like an individual separated from the world around us. It is the constant “I”. Death refers to metaphorically losing that sense of self.

Ego death can take many forms, including “ego replacement” which is where rather than experience death of a sense of self, who you are is simply replaced. For example, you may “become” your grandma or “become” a character from a TV series you know.

The sense of self can also fracture into seemingly many parts, and you can experience numerous elements of your own self that lie behind the main self. It is like getting in touch with the board of directors who run your subconscious mind and decide what gets put into your main consciousness. Sometimes these different elements of your personality will have a different voice when talking in your head… Not like schizophrenia hearing voices, but like the mental voice we all hear when reading something in our minds, or thinking about something. It is usually our own voice but this changes.

But the true “ego death” experience that most are interested in is the absolute and utter loss of “self”. Total unfication with the Oneness of all things, complete awareness of the now seemingly obvious knowledge that all things are one, everything is an aspect of one thing.

Like leaves on a tree. We are a leaf that forgets it’s the tree.

Quite literally and scientifically, the sense of self is a construct of the brain and we can accurately explain precisely which systems in the brain give rise to the sense of self. Therefore, the sense of self (even if accurate) is the real hallucination since it’s created by our brain – not something inherent to being a living conscious thing. It is likely living things with brains not nearly so developed as ours would live in a constant state of “egolessness” or closer to it than we are.

Also quite literally and scientifically, we really are part of one whole. Everything in the universe is simply a formation of universal matter, the wall beside your bed, the floor beneath your feet, the car driving past you on the street, the trees, other animals, the clouds… Every single particle, every atom, everything in this universe quite literally IS the universe, in the same way a leaf IS the tree… It is a matter of perspective. Whether you choose to focus into the smaller parts of the whole, or zoom out and view the singular object – whether you choose to view the leaves or the tree.

This doesn’t seem very interesting to our usual selves, but “experiencing” this fact is unbelievably intense and profound…

In the state of ego death you are entirely aware of and unified with the “tree”. Your “leaf” self evaporates into nothingness…

To explain how it feels…

This is something incredibly difficult to explain. But look at another person’s chest rise and fall as they breathe right now, do this for maybe 30 seconds, get used to what it looks and feels like to watch this. Now… if you were to say – hit a decent amount of DMT – you could look down at your OWN chest rise and fall and it would be identical to how it looks and mentally feels watching another person’s chest breathe. It does not feel like you, it no longer belongs to you, it is like you are observing another person completely.

The ego death experience follows the path of narrowing your field of self more and more until nothing remains but that formless point of awareness. So maybe your chest seems like it isn’t you but your neck still feels like it is. As the feeling intensifies your awareness may narrow so your neck goes the same as your chest in that it is no longer you, then your mouth, nose, etc. and it keeps going until nothing is left BUT your mind.

Eventually, you experience a sensation of being without a body at all. You are just pure awareness in a void. You have no body… It is not an out of body experience in the sense that you are in a fake “spirit” body looking down at yourself like accounts of near death experiences… Rather, your awareness is simply “out there” as a singular point without form because every part of your physical form ceased to belong to you (or even ceases to exist) from the perspective of your mind…

Throughout the experience, the more and more your “body dissolves” to put it metaphorically, the more and more you feel at one with everything.

The less you are “you” the more you feel you are an “us” or “it”, and that “it” is the entirety of existence itself. It is spacetime, it is reality, it is existence itself – and you and it are one and the same. The fact that your body is LITERALLY a formation of universal matter (scientifically speaking) and thus everything in the universe IS the universe, and therefore one and the same (like leaves on a tree) doesn’t come to you as a thought like an LSD revelation… You experience it viscerally. You – now no longer a “you” but rather a disembodied awareness with no identity – ARE EVERYTHING. The everything which is the ONLY thing.

Your awareness reunites with all of reality and completely and entirely encompasses all that there is and ever will be. If a sense of “you” remains or returns it is no longer you, it is no longer your body, it is a new “you” which permeates absolutely everything. It’s in everything. If you were to watch another person’s chest rise and fall right now, it now feels like you, THIS you flows in absolutely all that exists. Your bedroom wall will be “you”… As said you permeate everything if any sense of “you” remains or returns.

In this state you often forget things about your own self and life. You might forget who you are, what you are, where you are – you might forget your loved ones and memories of your past. Coming back to sobriety again can feel like waking up from a dream. It takes some time for your system to “boot up” again – so like coming out of a dream there’s that small moment of “what’s going on? where am I?” and then “oh right, yeah, I’m *NAME* and what’s this-OH right yeah I’m holding a pipe because I just smoked DMT from it, okay…”

In some cases you may become convinced that you are dying or that you are literally dead. The latter is particularly common though I have not experienced that myself… Depending on the headspace you are in and put into, the experience can be devoid of any emotion whatsoever (probably the strongest form of ego death as human emotion and everything human ceases to exist), “loving”, peaceful, astonishing, overwhelming, and even absolutely horrifyingly scary.

Personal Life Changes

At the baseline before use of psychedelic compounds I am on 200mg Zoloft (sertraline) per day for issues of anxiety and depression. Social anxiety is a prevalent issue I face.

Prior Psychedelic Experience:

As a much younger man I had experimented with the strong hallucinogenic compound Salvia Divinorum (Salvinorin A being the active component), but though the experiences were incredibly intense they did not ever seen real. As soon as I came back to reality, the visceral realness of the experience simply vanished.

I also had experience on a very small number of occasions with cannabis – a small number because I do not like the effects of the drug. It does not seem to me as though the psychedelic headspace is profound or meaningful, and the recreational effects can often be replicated better with different substances. The main benefit of cannabis seems to be that unlike the more effective substances, it can be used every day.

Cannabis however is the only substance I have had auditory hallucinations with. DMT has distorted real sound like how LSD can make textures and objects move, but the “entities” communicate with me telepathically rather than verbally. Often the only thing literally speaking is my own body… Cannabis gave me auditory hallucinations much like LSD closed-eye visuals.

I also had one experience with “Ecstasy” (active in this case unknown), ingested by accident in an unknown quantity from a bottle of water I was given at a large nightclub.

Monitored Changes:

My first experience with psychedelics during my actual journey into this field was with LSD. After just the first few experiences with this substance (a number of reports not put up on this website) I did find myself more open to other people around me. I felt that when I went to bars, I would socialize with people in a different way and people would respond to me in a different more positive way.

Rather than socializing with people from a guarded standpoint where I am trying to be liked (or who knows what), I found that I was actually connecting with them person-to-person. Which is something I had not really been able to do since a traumatic experience during childhood losing my mother.

The first major change in my persona came here:

This is the first experience after which I began to feel as though perhaps I did not need to take my antidepressant medicines anymore.

However it was not until a second breakthrough with DMT that I would say my life was completely changed.

The report of that trip is here:

After this trip I did not need SSRI medication anymore. It changed me completely for the better. I only sometimes drop pills of Zoloft occasionally to stave off the bad withdrawal symptoms (withdrawing on Zoloft can make you feel dizzy and naeseous and it can be hard to deal with). But I am no longer on a daily dose and could quit taking the medicine.

I am able to communicate with the people around me in a much more open manner even sober, and this is an effect apparently noticeable to others.

On a telephone call to a relative who had not spoken to me in months, they out of the blue remarked that I sound very different and “very well”. They said I sound much more positive than usual even in the tone of my voice.

I also seem to have regained some sort of sense of humor which I had really lost prior to this journey, following the trauma described which is the loss of my mother at the age of 14.

I am much more in touch with emotions. I find myself able to feel and express sadness more than before – for example a sad moment in a movie of TV show might hit me harder than previously. Physical crying seems to come easier be it through joy or whatever – essentially I am far more in touch with my emotions and able to express them outwardly rather than bottle them inwards.

I seem to have become completely closed off to the ideas and opinions of others. Theoretically this sounds like it would be a bad thing, but in fact for me it has led to very positive changes as I am naturally very easy to influence. I have learned to trust my own life experiences and insights when understanding the world around me rather than allowing myself to be distorted by the words of others.

I appear far more level-headed and even “wise”. I’m more able to understand the psychology between why people are acting a certain way, and more able to intuit what they are feeling or going through in a given moment.

I feel less so that I am more or less important than other people, I feel a sense of INHERENT equality (which I would say is a different kind of equality – i.e. we’re equal because we are expressions of one singular thing which is the sheet of existence) to those around me. This has been very beneficial in the treatment of social anxiety, it is possible I do not have or feel this condition anymore.

N,N-DMT: What to Expect

Do not use DMT as your first psychedelic. Try something milder like LSD first and in a small amount at that, and work up until you are comfortable with 300 or more ug before considering DMT.

DMT is not like other psychedelics. It is closest to Salvia but with a clear headspace, feeling more real than reality. It will lift a lid off of reality that you did not ever even realize was there, and when that happens it can be extremely overwhelming. If you have no psychedelic experience at all, this could be terrifying. Even to someone with experience, expect it to be astonishing and leave you saying “wtf, wtf, wtf” afterwards.

If you do use DMT, you are best working up from very threshold doses so you know the direction it’s going in. You don’t want to just grab a bunch of DMT and break through. This is NOT like a dream, and a bad trip is not like a night terror. There is a reason many religions practice the use of psychedelics rather than simply lucid dreaming. These things do something to reality that is completely foreign. It will take you somewhere you have never been before both externally and internally, “you” might even cease to exist where it takes you…

It is impossible to explain to someone who has never used any psychedelic substance, much like trying to explain the color green to someone who has never seen green before. You can’t know until you have felt it. And you certainly do not want to end up in the throws of a breakthrough trip with one of the world’s most powerful psychedelics IF it turns out you don’t like what it does. It’s not always sunshine and fairy dust. There aren’t little elves crawling about like you read about on the internet. It does something to reality and existence itself, and in my own experience it mirrors Eastern philosophy like Buddhism/monoism. Know this is something you want before you put yourself at that level.

DMT positively changed my view on the nature of reality and cured me of many mental health issues and struggles, but I have also had very terrifying times with it.

My experiences with N,N-DMT use a Storz & Bickel MIGHTY vaporizer. I put the liquid pad into the vape, the freebase powder directly on top.

Temperature set to 175C.

I wait until it hits 175C then begin to inhale. The technique is similar to Salvia: a long deep inhale, breathe in some air on top to make sure it’s all down in your lungs, then hold it down for about 15 seconds before exhaling and taking another long deep inhale. The smoke tickles and often makes you feel like you need to cough, but is not as bad as many make it out to be.

On my first attempts I used very small amounts, and waited a little while between attempts. DMT does not appear to have a tolerance effect, so you can trip multiple times in quick succession, testing slightly bigger and bigger amounts each time for maximum safety.

I use a scale which measures down to 0.001g which I calibrate between uses. I use a small microdosing plastic spoon to scoop out small amounts of powder and load into a small capsule type thing that comes with the Vape and is part of the loading device (I am not sure what this specific part is called). Once I have measured out the correct amount, I use this little tube thing and turn it over to deposit the powder onto the pad in the vape, then put the top of the vape back on.

WARNING #1: “Changa” or Ayahuasca should NEVER be used if you are on medication without first ascertaining that it is certainly safe to mix. Changa contains MAOI compounds, and when combined with common medication including over-the-counter remedies and antidepressants like SSRIs, can cause a hypertensive crisis. Even certain foods such as cured meats and cheese can lead to a hypertensive crisis if consumed while a MAOI is active.

WARNING #2: N,N-DMT (often referred to as simply “DMT”) is NOT the same as 5-MeO-DMT, 4-ACO-DMT, or many other compounds with DMT in the name. 5-MeO-DMT is not only more intense than N,N-DMT, but also more physically dangerous and can cause death. 4-ACO-DMT is a separate substance which is consumed orally and acts almost identically to Magic Mushrooms.

WARNING #3: DMT would not be the best idea as a party drug or something to do with friends for a laugh, it can lead to incredibly overwhelming experiences which are deeply spiritual/religious in nature, depending on the dosage and any other substances taken with it… It can be lifechanging… I am not saying it makes you a bad person if you DO use it that way, but I don’t think you will get quite what you are looking for if you use it with expectations of having a fun time (albeit the visuals are indeed very interesting, and might be semi-recreational in threshold doses). For a fun time at a house party, LSD in lower doses like 100ug would probably be more along the lines of what you want.

WARNING #4: DMT seems to be STRONGLY potentiated by LSD. Small doses of DMT while on LSD can lead to extreme breakthrough type trips which might be overwhelming if not expected.


Effects may vary based on the amount taken. If you take enough, you might shoot past earlier stages without experiencing them.

I can describe it as such…

The first effect you will notice is a sort of floaty feeling, it feels like your entire body has been administered a muscle-relaxant sedative (Valium AKA diazepam specifically). Visually, distortions apply to specific objects and are sort of like you have applied the Posterize effect to them in PhotoShop, they go just a little bit cartoony and flat looking. The edges not so well defined as usual. It is possible you will hear an alien kind of humming or buzzing noise but I have only experienced this once.

The patterning with DMT is very distinct, it looks a bit like a fish scale/petal pattern. I have seen people refer to it as “Chrysanthemum” patterns and that is accurate, it is exactly like staring directly into this flower. Not necessarily in color.

Whereas LSD visuals appear to warp things like a lenticular-print photo or like a current/wave that’s slow moving – DMT will morph things in that petal type pattern. Usually bringing the edges of a familiar image inwards slightly following that shape.

You may see tracers like you have taken LSD, and looking at screens (mobile phone screens often look particularly bizarre on psychedelics) things may look “cleaner” and letters more spaced apart.

On slightly higher amounts, things may change color significantly, entire objects may change to a different color, for example your curtains may turn bright purple. Again it only appears to apply to certain objects.

At this sort of stage, your consciousness splits. Your sober self remains, but another consciousness with bizarre thought patterns also emerges and the two coincide.

Because of this duality, at this stage you can see something both still and moving at the same time. For example, with your eyes open you can see that a tower fan in your room is completely stationary, but you will be daydreaming that it is blowing kisses at you and bowing, or something of that nature.

This daydream level of consciousness can spit wild images out at you, as well as thoughts.

On even higher amounts, when breaking through, the trip feels similar to Salvia in a number of ways.

There is a distinct “blast off”, everything shifts intensely and quickly. Visually it is almost impossible to explain, but it may seem a bit like your vision zooms out or in, your field of view widens or narrows (like a tunnel-vision effect). The boundaries of the room you are in may appear to alter.

Visuals may consist of a strong change of hue like you have turned on a colored lightbulb which is illuminating the room. Other visions like petal-patterned eyes may fill the room, but the trip begins to move quite quickly here and you may not be able to process it as it happens so fast and is such a sudden shift in perceptions and perspective.

With your eyes closed, you may see fully-detailed and colorful visions, so intricate as to be like an alternate dimension… Not just random shapes or imagery on the back of your eyelids, but like you are literally in an alternate dimension.

Ego death is EXTREMELY likely, and you may feel as though you are no longer your body or that you have reached a higher state of ultimate reality. You can break several layers deep, after ego death it can feel like you go deeper and deeper and deeper, eventually reaching “nirvana”/”heaven” which is a state of ultimate being where you exist as a pure vessel of consciousness.

Regardless of visuals, you may feel a strong sense of unity and oneness with the universe/existence. It feels like you have returned to what you really are/where you came from (like Salvia). You may begin to feel the “everyone is one” type thing that many fans of psychedelics discuss…

To clear that up, I think what it means is not that we are literally the exact same, but that we are like leaves all growing from the same tree. There is one all-encompassing consciousness/2D plane of existence, and each of us are a small fragment of that whole segmented off into what we are (us – our ego). We are all sharing the same consciousness/plane of existence but are different parts of the whole.

You may feel a sense that the separation between living things is an illusion, and that we are ALL this singular sheet of spacetime/existence/consciousness, simply given the sense of separation.

You may speak to something. You might not even see what it is/hear any voice, or even perceive anything as being there, but you will speak as though something is. It may feel like you are communicating with some sort of higher power telepathically. This higher power may be perceived as god/some other entity, or it may be the sheet of consciousness/existence itself which you communicate with. Depending on the dose, this “power” might not feel more powerful than you (for example if you reach “heaven” you will feel you have gone a step beyond the level where this entity exists).

Using the tree analogy, if we are the leaves and consciousness is the tree, these deities may be like the branches. But you can actually go beyond the branches and reunite with the tree.

Personally I have had religious type experiences with this substance which were so powerful that I cried when I returned to humanity.

WARNING: Uncontrollable noise is possible, do not use this substance anywhere where you have to remain quiet. Similar to Salvia, you may be overwhelmed with an unstoppable urge to laugh maniacally, or scream (even if the experience is very pleasant), or shout out.

It is advisable to have a sitter, because like Salvia you can lose sense of your body.

Common themes and imagery include the Chrysanthemum/petal type shape patterns (very common), carnivalesque imagery which may include clowns or jesters, fantasy-book creatures like elves and goblins, aliens, and religious symbols… Abstract visions may occur but not simply fractals, more like looking into an alternate dimension, luminescent and vivid.

After a trip, you may feel very sleepy. The sedative type effect remains for a little while post-trip.

Similar Compounds:

Salvia Divinorum (Salvinorin A):

I have found Salvia extracts (30x is what I have experience with) to be very similar to high doses of DMT. Both Salvia and DMT have an intense launch and shorter durations than most psychedelics. Both dissolve the user’s sense of self very readily, and often cause out-of-body type sensations. Both seem to take the user to the same place, which is the place where nothing exists but existence. Both have a sense of “coming home”, or like this is what you have always been.

Salvia is stronger but also more abstract. When DMT takes you to this place, you can see it more clearly, whereas Salvia has the additional effect of confusing you as to what you really are, so you can believe you are a bathroom tile or something of that nature. Salvia is also physically more intense, and you feel a strong sensation of movement, often repetitive (like a flip book) and very overwhelming.

Many people seem to have pleasant trips on DMT, whereas Salvia seems to have a propensity to cause frightening experiences – but this is person dependent, and not as prevalent as reported.

Possible Therapeutic Benefits

Like other psychedelics DMT appears to have potential to cause lasting positive psychological changes. In my opinion, LSD appears to be a more versatile tool for psychotherapy, as it lasts much longer and more feelings can be provoked since complete loss of ego does not tend to happen as readily. LSD is able to release repressed emotions and trauma.

When “ego” is lost completely, one’s own traumas and mental struggles dissolve with it, which means it is probably ineffective to attempt to work through these problems when a patient is in such a state.

However DMT may be an overarching powerful therapeutic tool for its ability to break a person through to “ultimate reality”, which on reflection in my experience, causes immense lasting positive life changes. A true spiritual/religious awakening type of effect. I have heard similar reports from those who have used 5-MeO-DMT although I have never tried that substance myself.

DMT in low amounts could be effective as a sleeping aid as opposed to benzodiazepines.

It may also be a useful tool for terminally ill patients, as the “unification” with the total sum whole can reduce a person’s fear of death.

Personal benefits experienced by myself include:

  1. A sense that I am inherently as good as anyone else.
  2. A reduced fear of death.
  3. A sense of oneness and unity with existence, which can help to minimize certain traumas such as the loss of a loved one.

DMT breakthroughs have allowed me to come off of antidepressant medication (I didn’t feel I need it anymore), and changed my view on the nature of reality itself.