Category: Trip Reports
(I am aware benzos are considered “trip killer”, this is mostly a myth in my opinion, more like it calms down a person panicking, and slows down the racing thoughts associated with standard psychedelics like LSD. A true trip killer is an antipsychotic class medicine. I am not sure on this, but the effect of benzos on DMT seems far less than you would expect. Though here I think it may have helped allay the racing thoughts I usually get).
I’ve broken through a number of times but never really remembered these bits (though I feel they’ve happened definitely)… This was with the Sai TAF because the pad etc. on my mighty is a bit decrepit and stale so I ordered new ones. 175C in TCR mode on my box mod. I had the airflow on the top and bottom totally open.
The first hit felt harsh. I wasn’t sure it was even working as I had several total nothingness trips tonight before Xanax (and was a little frustrated by that). I had decided to not even bother trying again until another day, but once I dropped the Xanax (which I take to sleep, due to pretty bad insomnia) I felt compelled… I really was not sure it was working – until suddenly it blatantly was. You can tell by the spacey sedated feel you get right at the start.
I took more than 3 hits. 3 hits is typically considered a breakthrough, but of course it is dose dependent and I am not relying on using little microscopic spoons to determine dosages.
I was already in this place of like 100000 entities when I pathetically took some semblance of a fourth hit. I probably did like half an inhale and held it. But I was (or felt like I was) hyperventilating so it wasn’t easy.
I’m not even sure the fourth hit made the experience any stronger which is odd and unexpected.
Things were just happening, who knows what any of that was. I don’t have a clue. It was so fast and everchanging that it’s not that I COULDN’T describe it, it was just too fast to remember. There were sooooooo many entities. Not just a few “elves” but like 50 to 100 fully humanoid figures lining every room wall to wall. I didn’t notice them much because I was being passed around or perhaps moving like a railgun shooter at the arcade.
Things were changing fast from scene to scene. So like 100 scenes happened, all quite fantastical, and I had no time to process them because by the time I saw something I’d gone somewhere else.
I did notice coming face to face with this humanoid figure that was larger than me made of, it seemed, yellow dots. It had three bodies, one facing me and the others looking sideways.
I didn’t know if I was dying or would die but it was barely a concern as I felt this was some underlying real reality underpinning all “true” reality and it felt like THAT’S where I actually am now.
I think at times I could feel myself hyperventilate or something but other times didn’t care or perhaps even lost touch.
It was so fast and frantic that I can’t take much from it except a feeling akin to conquering a fear of riding some really huge rollercoaster. I’ve done it before but taking a FOURTH hit when already in “another dimension” etc I’ve never done.
I didn’t want it to end and it did for the first time out of trips I’ve had feel I was being bid farewell somehow. I wanted to stay there but it was getting dark and faded so I just opened my eyes. My room was all funky but I’m quite used to the OEV patterning and colour stuff.
I was just laughing then.
I was hoping to delve into consciousness and the nature of reality but basically just had an intense drug trip instead… Lol… I wasn’t aiming for some intriguing drug trip I wanted to explore Oneness and consciousness but it was still cool.
It is strange, LSD + DMT trips are the ones where I felt the universe “come undone”. I felt it only once on solo DMT but it wasn’t this intense and it was also scary that time.
Usually solo DMT makes me a bit nervous or have racing thoughts during the trip. I quite like what high dose Xanax did to the experience in terms of removing that. But my intention was to get something different.
I had stopped use of DMT for a while because without already tripping on something like acid, they just did not seem as “profound” or mindblowig as expected. I did also use it sober on those attempts. I generally found it to be somewhat akin to sleep paralysis in the “waking dreamlike visions” aspect… This was a lot stronger than those times.
It is difficult to judge the strength of an experience to a degree, and I think perhaps it is partly to do with the mindset and specific avenue the trip goes down. There have been some I cried from, and others that did not seem profound at all, just like insane drug trips with crazy lucid visuals.
Usually I keep my eyes open. I thought I’d keep them closed during the entire process this time which was actually not easy. A light was on, so my eyelids were not bathed in total darkness.
I inhaled a very small amount, perhaps some was already soaked into the liquid pad from a prior experience. I think I took two hits.
Suddenly there’s a blank of memory then things are just happening and I don’t even really know it’s happening or what indeed is happening. I’m panicking but also simultaneously not. All my feelings are paradoxical. I’m confused about everything.
My mind is racing “fear, joy, panic, let go, what’s happening?” etc… I know I’m on DMT. I even know I’m on a benzo that hasn’t even kicked in yet that I pre-ingested before feeling the urge suddenly. So I have not really lost touch with reality. The visions however are very lucid.
I’m in the middle it seems of these four white corridors, there’s a door I’m then hovering over and yellow Homer Simpson type things are rushing by. I think I conjured them with my imagination but I don’t know. Everything is changing but I don’t really know what’s changing. I think there are windows but I don’t know. I really don’t know anything. I don’t know how I feel or what I’m meant to be doing or if I’m meant to be doing anything at all.
I can semi-control the visions with my imagination because I envisioned Marge Simpson’s blue hair if I remember right, but it’s semi out of control. I don’t know what’s going on. Darker pattern type things close and fold across like a book cover (patterns like the Necronomicon’s cover from Evil Dead) and then everything twists and these covers fall off. I’m in this white place still. I think there were wooden shelves. I really don’t know where I was. I think I was on top of a wooden shelf or counter.
I feel like the place is a classroom briefly. But there’s no message or lesson, I’m just tripping hard.
My mind is racing constantly and I don’t know what the substance or trip wants me to do. I’m trying to appease it. I don’t know what it means to let go and I don’t know if I’m actually meant to. I don’t know what’s going on or what I’m doing.
Then out of nowhere, I have a brief moment of meditation-like peace where things just happen and thoughts cease, this seemingly occurs randomly out of nowhere and I enjoy this moment. I have dark patterns and a sort of buzzing or vibration I cannot quite put my finger on, and in this moment I realize an expansiveness of awareness. I realize the self the observer behind the conscious experience… Shortly after for no reason racing thoughts come back.
I realize I don’t want this to end I want to stay here longer. It seems a bit like a Salvia trip actually (especially the repetitive Homer Simpson things running past my vision near the beginning), but I think I can feel my body still. I’m intrigued and want to watch things for longer.
Near the end in this white place of corridors there’s a glass window off to my right and there’s a man reaching through or over it or something offering me his hand beckoning me. I’m unable to move in the vision though but I enjoy his presence. I feel things fading or wearing off and this saddens me. I DO know that I definitely want it to continue.
I was then able to manifest very frightening imagery which both simultaneously scared me and didn’t. This thing comes up right in my face and bites down showing its teeth and bright red lips. Weird apparitions that get right in my face. I’m enjoying these scary things like a horror movie almost.
Although I’m aware of all these things throughout and like, even the fact I’m on benzos, on DMT, etc (I think I briefly forgot near the start until I “came to” in this place), it just occurs to me suddenly in the middle of all this while atop the wooden shelves: “I don’t know who I am.” I actually considered that thought specifically, and realized that yes it was true, I actually really don’t know who I am.
I don’t think I knew my name…
I could feel my body though. I wasn’t sure if I would die and I didn’t know if it mattered if I did. I didn’t really seem to know much of anything at all. I wasn’t sure which thing was more real, reality or new reality. I knew my brain was being fucked but it didn’t matter for this dilemna, because it felt like taking off a VR headset in a way or being external from perceived reality at brief moments when thoughts ceased and I focused on what was taking place and the expansive “Being” or awareness that I was.
Update: I now think I know the choking was caused by inhalation of residue which had built up in the mouthpiece of the vaping device, which unfortunately coincided with a nightmarish trip.
This is an experience I had breaking through on DMT solo (my other breakthroughs have been solely mixed with LSD).
I think this may have happened either because of frequent use – since I’m in the “honeymoon” phase with this substance – or because entering a breakthrough from a state of sobriety your ego is still in tact. On my LSD + DMT experiences my ego was gone and I think this helped.
Another factor may be that I have quit antidepressants. I was able to quit them solely due to the last DMT breakthrough I had while on a 5 strip of LSD, which I reported on this website. I have always taken about 5 half-lives off (Zoloft) between trips, but this time was more like 10.
Anyway I loaded up my vape with a usual amount, put on music although I now believe silence is preferable during a DMT trip, and pulled when it hit 175C.
Unlike any previous trip, it hit harder and faster. My LSD + DMT trips went deeper, but I took two pulls on those. This was on ONE pull of a usual length. And I was totally “gone” before I even exhaled.
And now the terror begins…
I THINK what was happening is that I was coughing and spluttering from the smoke, but as per usual the walls and lid of reality were taken away, and I’m in this breakthrough place but with my ego fully in-tact. I’m here in a state of sobriety and it’s overwhelming. There are entities and they taunt me, asking “do you think you can fuck with us?!” and as I was coughing and sputtering – presumably on the smoke – I became convinced that these entities were choking me and trying to literally kill me in the physical sense.
Usually I can let go in challenging trips, but because of the PHYSICAL symptoms I was feeling of choking, I panicked BAD. VERY BAD. And what took place I can only describe as a deathmatch in hyperspace. These beings I felt were toying with me, showing me that if they chose to they could end my life. I was fighting but I knew that they were powerful enough that I would not have a chance if they decided to do something to me.
The visuals were intense but I had complete tunnel vision as I was convinced I was going to physically die and that I had gone too far. Images crossed my mind of my family finding my blue asphyxiated body where the entities had strangled me to death. I barely noticed the visual aspect because I was so internally focused on preventing these things from choking me to death.
I pleaded for my life, I begged, I promised that if they let me live I’ll be good. I pleaded that they let me just go back.
At some point I snapped my eyes open. I was in my room but not really, I could see some familiar objects but a lot about it was also unfamiliar, and some things completely hallucinated (in other words were not there in reality at all). One of these things I recall was a triangle made of three deity faces, green, red, and yellow or something. But again I was panicking hard so I did not much notice these things.
I grabbed my phone, I pulled up WhatsApp to text my friend for help:
ive gone too far
Over and over. As I messaged my friend there was a blanket/sea of what seemed to be fingers above me or encircling me. I felt that entities were watching me frantically message for help and were deriving pleasure from my fear and helplessness. At some point, an entity which I felt was reclining across me reached over and started pushing keyboard buttons for me or interfering with me typing. I did not want to look at it, I did not look at any of the things I felt the presence of, I just stared at my phone screen.
Unfortunately my friend did not check his phone in these few minutes so my pleas went unanswered…
I did eventually come down.
I do not know what caused the choking, I presume smoke which I would not know because I had broken through before or just moments after exhaling, but it triggered a chain of events that led to an outright panic and battle with all-powerful entities in a realm between life and death.
I got positives from this experience in any case… An enhanced appreciation for life (as I was convinced I was going to be killed by these things, so it was almost like a near-death experience), and also as a regular sufferer of night-terrors I have been able to sleep easier knowing that nothing could possibly ever compare to the panic and fear I felt during this trip.
It also did NOT undo my previous positive experiences, and I have not had symptoms of PTSD or trauma from the experience. The music I was listening to makes me a bit uncomfortable to listen to right now but that’s about it.
I THINK it’s possible that using DMT from a state of psychedelic-sobriety increases the odds of a frightening experience. When your ego is gone and you break through, it’s sort of like when you do something drunk – your mind is already altered so you do not feel the fear from what is happening and accept it more readily.
As such, those wishing to use DMT might want to first try LSD. Then low dose DMT on its own just to see the direction is wants to take you in. And then combine small amount of DMT with 300+ug of LSD. When your ego is already gone or fractured, the barriers are down when entering the DMT experience and thus it is more readily accepted.
With LSD I went far, far, far deeper to the point of unification with the singularity of existence itself, and yet there was no fear, and I think this may be due to the ego having been left behind.
With psychedelics the worst thing you can possibly do is fight, resist, and struggle. In this case I felt I had had no choice, as I was sure I was physically choking in the real world, and struggling felt to be the only way I could survive.
I had a good amount of rest the day leading up to this experience, I believe I napped and awoke at somewhere around half 6 PM. I ate a 5 strip on an empty stomach at around quarter to 9 then went for a walk. Earlier in the day I had pre-prepared a dose of DMT in my Mighty vape for use at the peak of the trip.
I had gone for a walk on the LSD, followed some geese, visited a graveyard which I noticed nearby, and enjoyed some graffiti… And that was interesting in itself I thought.
I had an interesting time in the cemetary reading the stones and realizing how weird it is that these people had walked the same streets as me, lived in the same town as me with this same church standing, yet died in 1817. The same place in a different time… Cars drove by nearby whereas for this individual it would have been horses.
As I neared my home I started wondering if I’d even manage to get home, it was only a few minutes walk but I considered getting an Uber. Homes started looking to me like little elf/goblin houses – they seemed too small heightwise than they ought to be. Fitting my door key felt like a riddle, and as I went up my stairs it felt like they were closing in on me or narrowing. I was stumbling around almost like drunk.
I got to my room and just collapsed on my bed. I was tripping so hard I was basically paralyzed, it took a great deal of effort to move. I had pre-prepared my DMT dose and vape as well as my room which I had illuminated with a starlight projector light.
It was on my second inhale of DMT using my Mighty vape that it hit the fan.
I closed my eyes and experienced a complete out of body trip to heaven with visuals… full color visuals of an alternate dimension, intricate and detailed. The colors were very vibrant and strong. Luminescent primary, secondary, and tertiary colors in their purest unadulterated form. Neon in their brilliance and vividness.
To walk through from the beginning, first of all imagine you are a Matryoshka doll (those Russian doll things). The innermost doll.
Well what happened was, my human vessel which was this innermost doll was left down below and I was launched/sucked away from myself and upwards. And as I kept going up it was like outer shells of dolls were shattering as I broke into higher and higher realms of reality. Like going from the smallest doll in the set to the biggest all-encompassing doll.
Rather than a tunnel of light going towards heaven, it was more like I was being sucked up from my human self into heaven – I was watching my lower-level-consciousness-selves as I was propelled higher and higher up.
The visuals were very vivid and intense, but difficult to explain… It was like I had a collar around my vessel (whatever was being launched up into these planes of reality), and the patterning was on this collar, like perhaps yellow vibrant squares for example (but these weren’t just random shapes on the back of my eyelids, these were like, fully lucid visions of an alternate dimension) – and I was being sucked upwards through the middle into higher realms of reality and I’d go up through these layers of visions higher and higher.
Until I reached the ultimate reality.
I reached heaven.
It was not heaven in the sense that it felt blissful or anything. That’s the thing, it didn’t feel anything, it just WAS. But it was heaven in the sense of being the ultimate reality. When every layer is peeled off that’s what’s left. I was in heaven. I have visited heaven.
I saw spacetime itself form shape: Outside the boundaries of what I was seeing was void – colorless nonexistence.
I had wondered what possible layer deeper I could have possibly gone except by dying; but then I realized that dying would not do it – because non-existence does not exist, and it’s not possible for anything that exists to NOT exist… “I” or “you” may “””die””” (quote unquote) but we will never get to not exist, we will ALWAYS exist…
I can see where people get ideas about reincarnation… A tree can sprout many leaves – we are the tree… We as in “you” or “I” might THINK we’re the leaf, but that’s just an illusion, a subsection of the whole which is the tree that we ACTUALLY are.
We are all existence, anything that has existed cannot ever NOT exist because non-existence does not exist.
WE are existence. WE are spacetime. WE are eternal. WE are all there ever was and all there ever will be; always “were” and always “will be”. The alpha and omega. We are unstoppable because we are existence itself.
WE are EVERYTHING.
I also did speak to a divine being or something of that nature but my recollection of that is incredibly scant. I think between my visions through heaven I opened my eyes and spoke to the deity and asked what it wants me to do (I think?) and if it wants me to bring back the experience and tell other people, something along those lines. I don’t remember the specifics but definitely something along those lines happened… I saw a large female deity’s face across my ceiling briefly, I recall.
But the “divine being” did not feel more powerful than me, us, you, WE… That was part of the thing – that everything was one and the same, everything in existence was one. Nothing exists but existence itself. Whatever this presence was, was simply a manifestation of a part of US that was helping facilitate my journey… I in fact felt like I had gone even further beyond the realm where this presence existed.
Using the tree sprouting leaves analogy, perhaps these presences are like the branches. One step above us “leaves” but a step below the ultimate reality of the tree. I feel like during the trip I had reached and reunited with the tree and that was the place I refer to as heaven.
I consider this to be a legitimate religious experience, along the lines of Buddhist belief (I never had any religious belief prior to psychedelic use). This was not getting “high” this was literally a religious experience, a deeply earth-shattering spiritual/religious experience.
After-Effects: 26 Hours After
I am so glad for this experience.
At heaven there was no emotion because it was just ultimate reality/existence, my human vessel had been left behind, I only felt a sense of astonishment. But when I returned to humanity and reflected on the experience – even now – it was SO overwhelmingly incredible and powerful that I feel like crying.
Usually waking from a trip after you sleep it can feel almost like nothing happened, but I woke still feeling that sense of astonishment. I feel a sort of warm euphoria throughout my entire body, like if I’d woken and remembered I won the lottery or something. I spent the day in a state of relaxed joy. I spoke freely and happily to my family who noted that my voice sounded different in a positive way; telling me that I sound “very well”.
It was a complete spiritual awakening. The strongest sense of oneness with existence that I have ever felt. A sense that I am inherently just as good as anyone and anything else. A reduced fear of death.
It was like an atheistic religious experience. No creators just existence. We the leaves, “DMT entities”/deities the branches (or just a manifestation of a higher form of our own “separated” consciousness), and existence the tree. We are the tree, we are eternal and all powerful because we are existence itself.
And that is a realization so intense and overwhelming it makes me tear up. I shed tears when I came down.
If there is a creator of this sheet of existence we would never be able to communicate with it because it’s out of our spacetime.
At just a little after midnight I dropped 4 tabs of LSD, EC lab tested as being 82ug each, meaning I had dropped 328ug of LSD. Usually on LSD I liven up and want to listen to music but for some reason I did not want to listen to music at all.
I had not taken LSD for a bit over a week. I was not planning to “breakthrough” or anything, but once I was peaking I decided to have a hit of DMT which I had pre-loaded before taking the acid just in case.
My Storz & Bickel MIGHTY vaporizer had no charge left unfortunately, and the charger made no “sense” to me. It was in two parts, and I was laughing like mad at this “alien” contraption. It really is a bit of an unusual charger, you actually have to attach the bit that goes into the plug socket into the head of it if you understand what I mean. I kept putting it in upside down and all sorts. Until finally eventually I got it in right, the right way round and everything.
It was then that I hit the DMT, I began inhaling at a temperature of 175C… Because of the low battery failed attempts where it only heated to 50-something C then began to drop, it’s possible the DMT was “pre-melted” into the liquid wire mesh pad you put into the device, explaining the strength of the experience when I hit it successfully.
30+mg N,N-DMT trip portion:
I don’t remember much about this part but I remember taking a long inhale, holding it then breathing out, and I may or may not have taken another – I recall seeing smoke coming out of the nozzle. I think that’s the last thing I really saw before everything fell apart.
This wasn’t like an ordinary “trip” or anything like that, I knew STRAIGHT away that this was something very, very, very beyond. I instantly turned off the vape and put it aside and I experienced briefly what I can only describe as something completely indescribable. At the time I was trying to think of how I could document or explain this but I realized it would not be possible. There were no “non-existent” colours or mystical things people say to try to make it sound cool – though I can try to give you a general idea…
I have this projector type nightlight thing in my room I like to put on while tripping. It projects a moving blue mist and green dots which are supposed to be “stars” around the room. When I hit that DMT, my room seemed to glow orange, all the green dots seemed to become- I don’t know- eyes I interpreted it as? But the “visuals” did not really matter here because everything was falling apart.
I was still in my room, but everything ceased to exist: everything EXCEPT existence itself. I didn’t feel bliss. I didn’t feel anxiety. I didn’t feel love. I didn’t feel fear. I didn’t feel emotion because emotions don’t exist where it took me. My human body did not seem to even really matter anymore, in fact I didn’t even feel like I was in my body, I felt like I was the wall… At least visually speaking, because the wall sort of filled my entire vision and it was the 2D sheet of existence itself, and I rejoined that sheet of “all that there is” (existence itself).
Every hallucinogenic compound I’ve ever taken was here in this “everything”. Most notably Salvia. Salvia seems to take you to this exact same place BEYOND “entities”, beyond “speaking to god”, beyond “elves”, it takes you to the matter of existence itself. Except the drug trip part of Salvia obscures your vision of this “everything” because at the same time it makes you feel like you are being physically thrown around and that you’re a green tile or something crazy… Salvia induces psychotic laughter, and here I also felt compelled to laugh-
But I was able to stifle my psychotic laughter. I just kept saying “I know, I know, shhhh, I won’t tell I promise”. We (we being the sheet of existence itself) were laughing at how all the other conscious entities (AKA us, but tricked into thinking they’re separate things like humans and so on) actually don’t realize they are us… That’s what I was promising I wouldn’t tell.
Where I was, was the bottom of the rabbithole. The universe felt tiny compared to me, because I was existence, and the universe is a part of existence. I was all-encompassing. Everything there ever was and ever will be. And evertyhing that ever was and ever will be is also existence itself – it just doesn’t know it. But this sheet, this 2D sheet of existence, that is all that really truly exists.
IT is EVERYTHING.
As it subsided, the trip was so “WTF” and overwhelming that it was like a “sloooowly back away” type thing you see in sitcoms when someone walks in on a really weird situation. It was so fucking insane I was like “uhhh, maybe I should just forget that ever happened and never speak of it again”. Like this:
But of course I didn’t do this as I am writing it to you now.
Being “ready” for the experience became a laughable thought, it doesn’t MATTER if you’re “ready”, no human emotion etc. matters. Trust me if you get HERE then no shamanistic BS will change anything. It just IS what it IS. And you don’t get to even interpret it from the perspective of a human. Decades of Zen monk practice don’t matter here, because that’s a human thing, and human things don’t exist here. Joe Sixpack lighting up behind a needle-addled dumpster is as “enlightened” as a Buddhist monk when they get “here”.
Even trying to prepare for the experience or engage in spiritual practice seems like the complete wrong way to approach it, because it’s like you are trying to get “here” using your body. But your body is left behind, your human experience, emotions, everything is left behind. To get “here” you have to set aside your Buddhist yoga practice and everything that ever made you you or a human – except when you hit the DMT (specifically on acid, because I have done more DMT before, but it’s the combination that seemed to be like a “2+2=infinity” type thing, the two things together are infinitely powerful), you don’t actually get a choice ANYWAY, as it WILL remove it.
You could have been petrified of getting “here”, but once you’re “here” that doesn’t exist anymore because being petrified is a human emotion and that doesn’t exist “here”.
I stopped existing. Every hallucinogen I’ve ever used seemed to be huddled up here together with me laughing, as I rejoined and became literally the sheet of existence itself. It wouldn’t have mattered if I was alive or dead anymore… I checked my FitBit “in the name of science” and saw it at 64BPM but it seemed so laughable… And literally it is true, even if I the human life is extinguished, existence itself continues to exist…
Salvia kicked in a fair bit. Like the insane laughter. But I was like “shhhhh shhhhh, I know, I know, I won’t tell if you won’t”… And I was like “yess yess I KNOW, they ACTUALLY don’t realize they’re part of us!” and we were laughing at the other conscious “entities” (AKA us but tricked into thinking they’re these different things like humans etc).
In my peripheral something is sort of tearing open a glimpse at me and is peeking at me. It’s all part of that “shhhh don’t tell” type thing. I’m telling them like yesss I know shhh, I won’t tell.
It shot me so far into the stratosphere, that when I came back, the 328ug of acid I was peaking on felt like total sobriety.
I was still tripping around 12 hours after I dropped, when I took sleeping aids so I could rest.
Dose: Between 10 to 30mg. Measured, but amount cleared is not possible to discern.
So I bought a Storz & Bickel vaporizer specifically for DMT. I don’t like cannabis, so as said it is for DMT only. I reagent tested the freebase powder, Ehrlrich showed purple, then I used Mandelin to differentiate between 5-MeO (well, hopefully) and that went a medium dark brown. I should have had Hofmann and Froehde reagent but alas I did not.
I was advised to use the “dosing caps” mixed with some herbs like green tea, but saw the powder would fall through the holes.
So I just put the liquid pad (which is the standard wire mesh type pad) into the vape, and the measured DMT powder directly on top. I loaded 30mg using the loading aid thing they include with the vape. I did not intend to use this all, but simply loaded it “in case” I wanted to go there.
Temperature set to 170C.
I waited until it hit 170C then counted to 10 seconds, then began to inhale. The technique similar to Salvia, a long deep inhale, breathe in some air on top, then hold it down as long as you can.
Surprisingly, despite being a non-smoker, the vapor was easy to manage this time round (it was not on subsequent attempts with longer inhales). It tickled and I felt a mild urge to cough, but on traditional vapes when I put the wattage up I cough real bad. With this, I was able to inhale deeply and hold it. This surprised me especially because I have heard that DMT smoke is incredibly harsh.
PURPOSEFULLY because it’s my first experience with this substance, I did it slowly and in chunks so as to not go deeper than I’m ready for. Therefore I took moderate inhales and held for only about 10 to 15 seconds each, with breaks between each go of this as I waited for the effects to fully materialize before taking more. I can tell that had I done it properly and filled my lungs, it would have been a very strong experience…
On about my third inhale taking it bit-by-bit like this, I felt something unusual so I quickly turned the vape off and set it down in case I were to blast away…
For those who have never used DMT before, I can describe this threshold experience as such… The first thing that becomes noticeable is a feeling throughout your body sort of like you’ve taken a sedative (diazepam specifically), but your mind remains as alert as you are sober. Everything relaxes in a very pleasing way.
I found myself smiling as a sense of joy came over me.
Visually, I noticed certain objects began to take on an effect which looked much like I had used the “Posterize” effect in PhotoShop. A supplement bottle on top of my mini-fridge for example, it started to look a tad cartoony and flat. It only applied to certain objects.
Closing my eyes, I had slight visuals. The visuals were sort of like a fish scale effect (I later learned this is common and people use the parallel of a Chrysanthemum flower’s petals if you were staring directly into the flower, which is exactly what it was). Out of the darkness petal/scale like patterning seemed to emerge, but these visions were also mostly dark and shadowy. The scales at one point became fish, and each fish had a single eye on its face.
Next it felt like I saw a lightbulb above me, it was illuminating a pale blue room which was up and to my left. It reminded me of a scene from a David Lynch movie or something… A number of visuals flashed by… Out of the fish scale darkness and despite NOT being religious, there appeared a visual like a person sitting cross-legged with their hands together in prayer, a flock of dark birds swirled around, something like a carnival type scene with a spinning disc in the middle… There were many and they were too fleeting to memorize each and every one.
Then a buddhist statue, but this was more detailed and colored in (pale green).
These visions were all seen mainly with the mind’s eye rather than the true eye, and many visions seemed to appear in my peripheral like I often experience on LSD and Salvia.
I felt that I was in touch with something more powerful than myself- but only very briefly did I feel this. With my eyes open, I very briefly began to experience another effect similar to high dose LSD where I lose focus on the real room and visuals appear in front instead. You can sort of emulate it if you purposefully unfocus your eyes and daydream… However again this was fleeting as I did not take much, but I could see what sort of direction it could go in if I had taken a larger amount.
I was able to move but I didn’t want to. My body felt sedated. I am still under the influence in that sense (my body feels sedated) a bit, especially in my legs, but I’m able to type this because I took such a threshold amount just to test the waters.
I can see that if I had done it “properly” to blast off the experience would be very strong. Sort of like Salvia, but because your mind remains human (whereas Salvia shreds your mind too much to feel fear – at least for me I go too cuckoo-clock crazy on Salvia to be afraid of the experience), it’s a little intimidating. Especially with the religious imagery… Of note, on LSD the only religious imagery I have seen was arabic in nature, whereas on DMT it appeared to have a Buddhist tone.
I think this is a substance I would like to use on LSD. Being completely sober and using it is a tiny bit intimidating, but in the tripping mindset such as you are in on LSD, I believe the intoxication would make it easy to do properly without anxiety. Seeing such imagery while so sober of mind is a bit freakier.
I did a second test run later that night but this time in darkness without music and on 1 mg Xanax. I experimented with a few things to give data on it. Just as an aside, Xanax (not other benzos) apparently has direct effectiveness in preventing heart attacks. So does aspirin but everyone knows that.
I took a bigger first inhale and this hit me harder, but I didn’t follow up as much. I played around with a few things. I know LSD makes phone screens go bizarre, so I chucked my phone screen on real quick.
The effect is different than LSD but the screen did also mess about a bit in this instance. Instead of text going “glitchy” it sort of looked more like each letter was spaced apart more than usual, and everything looked very clearn.
I looked at a photo of my friend, as his face warps around on LSD. The distortion here was different. On LSD his face shifts like lenticular printing, but on DMT his face was sort of warping at the edges inwards, in the scale/petal type way that I described earlier which I see is described in DMT circles as “Chrysanthemum” patterning.
There is a mild tracer type effect like on LSD. However it seems it hits sooner, since I have to be way more intoxicated on LSD to get tracers.
Eyes closed visuals this time were weaker, maybe due partly to Xanax or because I instead did a bigger up front inhale with less followup. But I did have slight visuals, nothing noteworthy enough to deep dive.
I checked my pulse periodically, it remained about the same in fact…
Heart Rate Mid-Trip: 65 BPM.
Blood Pressure Mid-Trip: 146/77 (Systolic elevated into Grade 1 hypertension. Dystolic normal), a little elevated for me.
After the experience my pulse returned to 57 BPM. This second test run was to play around with things like that, get a feel for medical alterations, alteration of effect with Xanax, and documenting visual distortions with more specificness.
Third and Forth Attempt…
I barely remember the third attempt at all, but the fourth was major and again in darkness. I loaded 20 mg of DMT and this time breathed in a lot of it. Perhaps even came close to clearing the lot of it.
On the fourth attempt I vaped 20mg N,N-DMT: LOL at this Kingda Ka tier blast off insanity
To be honest I don’t remember enough of it to say much, but I took a proper loooong inhale, my first time clearing I think an amount like this. It was uncomfortable but I have music on in my earphones and that helped drive me on to breathe in more and more. Like how it can help you push harder in the gym.
I was going to count as I held in the smoke. Stuff started happening before I’d even got to 1. The Chrysanthemum type petal pattern taking over. I didn’t actually feel like I NEEDED to breathe anymore, whereas just prior I was like gagging to cough this stuff up. But the sensation just went and I could probably have held my breathe for a minute or more. I would have taken more but things came on so sudden and intense that I worried I might go too far.
I eventually breathed out and I feel like the volume of the music I was listening to or something about it did something quite different than I’m used to (and I know this track well – I used Alter Ego by N’to). It seemed to get insanely loud and the sound itself warped a bit.
I grabbed my phone to tell my friend like wtf this is crazy. I typed “I’m on dmt” then it started picking up and I wrote “HIIIIIIIIIIGH”, then “it only lasts 20 minz”, followed by Holy FUCKKKKKK, followed by OH MY GODDD LOL.
Everything was too new and overwhelming to remember. Too many new things happening at once. This time I just remember the music seemingly changing but there was a shit load of things going on.
I kept putting my screen off but it actually seemed crazier with my phone screen on, the luminensce of the screen was making stuff happen around it. I’ve put my screen on on lower amounts and I notice everything looks “cleaner” than usual and letters spaced further apart.
It looked like there were maybe aliens on the left side of my room, I figure it was just my trash can.
I don’t really remember anything else… I expected it to last 20 minutes on 20mg but really it was definitely more like Kingda Ka, you just get absolutely LAUNCHED into space (before you even exhale) and then after maybe 3 to 5 minutes you start to exit the peak of the stratosphere.
I don’t know fully what happened but LOL at that. That’s some Nitrous balloon tier 0 to 100 and back again type lift off. Madness…
Excited to do it on LSD in a couple of days.
Comparison to LSD
The “blast off” from DMT makes it feel more intense than LSD. Being sober when doing it also makes it more intimidating. LSD slowly alters your mind as your perceptions change, and so whatever you do experience is from the mindset of a tripping person. On DMT your mind stays far more sober allowing you to experience things in extreme clarity, which is intimidating.
I think I prefer LSD overall, but DMT while on LSD could be very enjoyable.
As far as I could tell there was no negative body load that I was able to discern. The body load was more like a sedative. LSD body load can be physically uncomfortable in some ways (I think this is rare, but it gives me a slightly dodgy throat and stuffy nose).
Dose: 7 tabs of blotter EC tested at 82ug each (574ug total), taken all at once, held sublingually.
To preface this I will say such – At 14 years of age I suffered a tragedy in life which has haunted every second of my existence. At the young age of 14, and having not grown up with a father or siblings or big family etc, I watched essentially my only relative – my mother – die from leukemia.
Although of course at the time I did shed some tears. I never grieved for my mother. Most stark was the day of the funeral. Instead of showing any sign of emotion whatsoever, I made a conscious effort to suppress everything I was feeling. During the eulogy and all of that – well I have no memory of any part of what was being said – I stared directly at the ground in front of me. From arrival to end I battled to shove everything I was feeling deep down inside me. Rather than spending the time releasing the emotions I was feeling, I spent it battling myself to force myself to betray no sign of emotion… And my feelings became a mish-mash of resentment and horror.
I recall that family members remarked how I was “holding up so well”. Which is ironic because inside I was quite literally fracturing in two. Externally for many months I experienced mania (like a bipolar person), I had boosted confidence, I felt more extroverted than ever…altered… But eventually this mania faded and I was left as an anxious mess.
At the moment of my mother’s death I distinctly felt that I was in a “new life”, I wasn’t me anymore. I looked just like me, but I wasn’t me. This is when I split into two parts of a whole.
So as the drug hit, which would be 7 tabs of acid (EC tested at 82ug each), I began to become a bit insane. I should mention that for transparency to give an idea of the full experience… But I did become a bit crazy and started licking walls and bed sheets, and spent some time making bizarre and extremely strained crazy faces at my camera phone.
What this really was though was an intensity of feeling that at the time my brain wasn’t sure how to even interpret – so it manifested in my acting nuts since I knew I was feeling SOMETHING strong but wasn’t sure what and wasn’t sure how to express it.
As this continued it became immediately apparent to my mind that I WANTED to experience hellish nightmares. I didn’t know why – but it felt right. I began to look up “bad trip vibes” etc. on YouTube to try to find something overwhelming and horrifying, because I didn’t know what these emotions were or how to channel them. But horrifying and overwhelming things felt satisfying like I was teething and chewing on bone.
Put simply: Feeling bad felt GOOD.
I searched for scary sound effects, then eventually I found what I felt I wanted which was a sound effect clip of a screaming panicked crowd. I listened to this and I began to shake physically and a rage and fury I have never known built up inside of me.
Suddenly I just snapped, in a violent torrent of utter fury I started physically attacking the air. My entire body was shaking with blind rage. I continued physically attacking the air for a LONG time with headphones in and the sound of screaming crowds at full volume. As I continued to do so, tears began to escape my eyes slightly and then it slowly became apparent what precisely it was that I was experiencing – which was over a decade of repressed grief and anger over the loss of my mother.
I attacked the air so long and so viciously and only stopped because my fitness was not able to go any longer. Although I believe if my fitness allowed it I could have continued for a good 2 hours or more smashing at the air in fits of anger, I could not continue.
Everything was soaked in sweat, I was panting and it took a time to get my breath back.
When I did get my breath back, I put on music, then a torrent of different emotion hit me, which was grief. I cried extremely and profusely. So much so that I was hyperventilating. This lasted for at least an hour or two. I was yelling at nobody WHY, WHY, WHY.
I was verbalizing thoughts and feelings from over a decade ago: Friends being “sorry for my loss” but how could they possibly know? How can they know what it’s like to – as young boy – watch the only parent you have slowly lose their life to cancer? To know what it’s like for her to come home in “remission” and everything feels good and right and then she’s suddenly extremely ill. Then watching paramedics take her away in a wheelchair while she has no hair due to the chemo drugs as she repeatedly tells me she’s so sorry.
How can they know what it’s like to be a 14 year old boy watching the only person you love and care about die in an ICU unit with tubes stuck down their throat, barely resembling your loved one at all where the sickness has physically damaged them so much?
And how can I POSSIBLY show them I feel this way? How can I tell people I really feel this way? They don’t know what to do or say, they just feel uncomfortable. So at the time of this life event I started to feel guilty for even feeling these feelings. I began to feel that my suffering was impacting others and I felt that was my fault… Again I shoved everything down… I felt afraid people would casually make “your mom” jokes and that they would then feel awkward after some whisperings in their ear (which did in fact happen) and I would feel guilty for this – it’s all my fault people feel this way around me.
How long do you think the people you call friends can bare to put up with your pain and depression? A week, a month?
They have not been hit by trauma, so after a little while, especially given everyone is still a child, you are nothing but a burden. They can’t understand how you could feel pain for so long and there’s only so long they’re willing to be supportive. They don’t know that I lost EVERYTHING, not only my actual daily life which was now of course permanently altered with new living situations etc. but also my sense of identity. I lost EVERYTHING that made me ME. I might as well have died myself… Eventually everyone just continues and you are sort of left behind, you’re “damaged goods”.
While crying and outpouring all this emotion at the same time I began to smile while still crying. Because I had connected to a part of myself that has always been out of bounds except in dreams. I was almost ecstatic and devastated at the exact same time because I felt so unburdened.
In dreams I would see my mother dying repeatedly and scream and yell at the top of my lungs – but then as soon as I woke up it was gone, I could not feel a thing. Like it was out of bounds to my waking mind.
For the first time in my life, these obviously repressed feelings came out in my waking conscious self…
I felt like the part of me I lost when my sense of self fractured in two (at the point of my mom’s death) came back. I felt like the two fractured parts had finally come back together, albeit sort of duct-tape tier fixed together, I clearly will never be quite the same (as would be expected), but a part of me that has been lost for almost 15 years came back.
I looked over my room and saw a box of Quest protein bars in the birthday cake flavor. It felt so apt, I felt that I had been reborn back into the world.
This was my new birthday.
I consider myself to now have two birthdays, my real birthday where I entered the world, and my second birthday where after losing my life I was reborn back into existence.
I felt as though I should try to permanently stop taking the medication I have been on for the anxiety and depression (I stopped taking them just for this experience. I have tripped a number of times before but I always want stronger visuals and felt if I stopped taking medication I might get to experience that).
Whatever happens from here, even if after the afterglow I feel a bit off again, there is absolutely no question at all that I purged SO, SO, SO much repressed emotion that NEEDED to come out and I will no doubt feel better in daily life than I can remember ever feeling. And that is why despite physically trembling from head to toe with grief I was smiling and felt so happy to know that this was leaving my body.
You cannot live your life with that much rage hiding deep down somewhere in your psyche.
00:00 (Midnight): Sublingual administration of two blotters of LSD (claimed to be 375ug each, but this dosage is extremely unlikely).
10:52 AM: Commence writing trip report.
I begin playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare while awaiting the trip to begin. After about half hour to an hour the typical patterning and technicolor aspects of LSD begin to take hold. I start to play the game in a strange way, rather than focusing on the objective I find myself running around and spray painting various walls and firing bullets randomly into the air. I throw gas grenades and molotov cocktails into random locations just to watch the clouds of colour and flame.
At some point as the intensity of the trip becomes more prominent I switch off the console, as I am no longer able to focus on or enjoy playing the game.
I decide that I want to follow the LSD wherever it wants to take me. It gives me an urge to start playing with my dick.
As I do this, I experience a bunch of memories of many members of the opposite sex I had ever had any sort of romance or flirtation with. Especially prominent were high school experiences, the ones where I first began to experience feelings of sexual lust for the first time. Curiously this is the type of thing which I experienced rather than reliving actual sexual encounters. It appeared to be more like reliving “landmark” type events… This did include my first forays into sexual activity with one particular girl’s big ass which she let me play with.
The flashbacks are not simple memories, but instead very complex, and rather than viewing it outside the looking glass, I am very much IN the scene itself. It is more like I am actually reliving that particular moment, rather than simply remembering it.
Due to the fact my focus is distracted a lot by the feelings I am getting from playing with myself I’m not able to experience that particular thing as deeply as I have in past trips. But it always seems to feel like workers in my subconscious mind put together a scene made of props and movie studio lighting (etc.) to produce these set pieces of memory which I am able to physically be inside of.
Vivid memories (of the type described above) of dozens of random flirtations and sexual encounters throughout high school came to me in rapid succession. I became fixated on one girl in particular who was perhaps my most intense high school crush, and perhaps the first girl I ever mutually explored true lust with.
I feel that she was – at the time – exploring her sexual side and seductive power over men, and I was for one of the first times feeling a sense of true primal, carnal lust. At the time I was still a little reserved in my sexual side which had not yet blossomed, and so nothing very serious happened between us. But the experiences for me were still powerful as my first glimpses into the sexual adult world.
Five particularly vivid experiences with this girl were relived as though I was there in first person:
1) An experience where, in leopard print leggings on a non-uniform day at school, she had come and sat next to me in class and sort of cozied up to me, perhaps with her arm around me or something of that nature, while we discussed photos of her that had been used on the school website. I remember I found her particularly sexually appealing in the leopard print.
2) An experience where, after an art class when I was tasked with tidying up, she requested that I take some of her trash. When I refused she said if I didn’t that she would bite me. At the time I was standing while she had been sitting, and she put her teeth on the back of my hand in a very sexualized manner while staring up into my eyes for a prolonged period, which seemed to be a sort of simulation of oral sex.
3) An experience where on her birthday she had wrestled a kiss out of me playfully.
4) A “whoops I dropped my pencil” type experience where she seemed to me to be purposefully bending over in front of me in such a way as to show up her skirt. I recall she wore a bright pink thong on that occasion.
5) A less sexualized but more romantic incident in which she had written an “I <3 You” note to me.
Although this particular woman and these particular encounters were vividly recounted, there was a cascade of others.
One other that featured prominently was the first girl I ever had any sexual feeling at all for which is when I had first moved up into high school. She was a rather slender and appealing blonde girl in my class. Again this girl and I had some sort of flirtation or something going on between us. I recall her friend telling me that “*girl’s name* wants to suck your willy.”
I recalled most vividly times where, in class, she would lean across me to “get the attention of a teacher” and just stay quite literally lying on top of me needlessly, our bodies pressed closely together as she continued to reel off random questions – seemingly to prolong the amount of time she could stay on top of me like that.
And then after this, another girl who I recall I seemed to have built an actual friendship type connection with (as opposed to simple lust/sexual connection). I recalled her friends telling me that she likes me. I think this one stood out to me because it felt probably the closest to my first daliance into “love”.
Certainly I did not “love” this woman it never had developed to anything like that, but it was I think the first girl since I fully sexually matured where it felt like such a thing could bloom… The most intense high school crush I described previously, we were friendly with each other and could certainly have become closer in that way (I think to this day she is one of the only girls who has made a joke that I actually laughed at for real), but had not really got to know each other beyond just constant sexual interplay and innuendo.
Every time I ever bumped into her even years after this, there was never any sort of platonic feeling between us. There was always some sort of obvious sexual tension that never went away.
I jerked off and it felt as though every woman I had been intimate with, every desire, every flirtation, every feeling of lust, culminated all at once into one single point of focus. I found it difficult to reach orgasm because of this, so I loaded an adult porn site and watched a PoV video of “Miss Banana” just to hopefully climax so I could rest, as it was becoming exhausting.
When I climaxed it felt as though I climaxed inside every girl I have ever had any sort of sexualized connection with, as well as various pornstars I find particularly appealing. Point of view type pornography was very appealing at this point. I liked watching how the girl wanted it so much, and envisioning the arousal she was experiencing while slurping on cock like a total nymphomaniac.
However, the sexual urges became very overwhelming and intense. I was completely wiped out but these girls in my mind were just utterly insatiable. I think this was “Miss Banana’s” fault as the video of her continued playing after I was done and this girl seems like the biggest nymph the planet has ever seen. There was nothing I could do to stop them, they wanted non-stop sex, and it became exhausting to me.
In the end of the matter I was lying in a pool of sweat, and I felt rather surprised that I did not experience a heart attack, since i had to try very hard for well over an hour to actually ever reach a climax, and then was forced by urges to repeat it in immediate succession at least 6 times.
After enough releases that the urges perhaps began to slowly subside, I was able to finally mellow out – which I was actually glad for since I did not actually want to keep going with the sexual stuff since it was exhausting me and- as I said – I felt like I had gone at it so hard that I honestly was surprised I had not passed out or gone into cardiac arrest.
As I mellowed out I began to intuitively understand things about the connection between a man and woman.
I realized that at the base of everthing women WANT sex, all women (of course I am generalizing for the sake of a trip report – so not taking into account the more unusual sexual leanings) want sex badly. And so do men. And I seemed to understand at once that when a man and a woman talk – so long as one truly feels desire for the other, the connection can never be a platonic one unless the individual hides those feelings. As long as those feelings are apparent, they are either reciprocated or the connection is broken…
There is an undercurrent of secret yearning inside a woman for sex and vice versa in men. Yet when a man and a woman who find each other very attractive meet, they instead fixate on talking about some other random topic due to standards of social acceptability – as well as our own hesitance to be intimate with someone we have never even said hello to (yes – even as men it would feel really weird and uncomfortable in most cases to just randomly have sex with a girl we had never said a word to or know the first thing about… I’m sure to many men it sounds like the best thing ever, but if they were actually in such a situation and were not very drunk etc., it’s probable they would feel a bit weird about it).
The sexual desires and reciprocations seem to happen on an almost unspoken level: The woman is thinking about how hard she wants this guy to grab squeeze and fuck her tight ass, and the man how badly he wants to do it, but they are talking about random things like who they’re out with that night, or whatever it might be. Anything which allows the two to speak and get to know each other enough to where it no longer feels “weird” or uncomfortable to become more intimate with that person. Tattoos with deep meaning or stories behind them are probably useful in this respect, as it allows the man and woman to speak about something obvious rather than “uhhh yeah so the weather”. It’s something where they can actually “get to know” what each other is like as a person and feel a sense of familiarity with them.
I seemed to understand that in both men and women some individuals are hypersexualized and others are less sexual. I find myself on the latter end of the scale. I am more of an introverted-leaning bookish type who enjoys a night in thinking about a murder mystery or mysteries about the human mind and consciousness… I realized that woman who are hypersexual unlike me, care more about very primal things like the size of the man’s penis, how big and muscular he is, and therefore how hard he could make love to her. Equivalent are men who make statements like “who cares what the mantle looks like when you’re poking the fire!”
Conversely, myself and women who also seem of the more intellectual-leaning and less primal type seem to place far more value on different physical traits like facial beauty. We may be more interested in the idea of kissing or cuddling with a member of the preferred sex who has a pretty face, than we are in the idea of having sex with giant breasts and buttocks or giant penises, or whatever it might be.
It occurred to me that all of the women I felt a true connection with (in the sense it felt like we had a rapport that could have developed into a long term romance, as opposed to simply a one night stand) were ones who shared that leaning.
The ones I felt MOST close and similar to were the ones who – like me – put up a false exterior that betrays what our personality is like, simply to fit in with the “in crowd” because it is something we personally seem to need in order to feel worthwhile/validated. For example, despite my intellectual/philosophical leanings, I spend time buffing myself up and looking like a typical “gymbro”. One particular girl I had in mind was the same way, on the exterior she was clearly attempting to (and – quite successfully like myself) fit into a certain mould of person, but her actual personality was nothing like that exterior… I think this is not a common thing.
Eventually this part of the trip ended, although I cannot say exactly how long it lasted, it would have been around 4 to 6 hours.
After that sexual part of the trip, I found myself wanting to think about one of my favourite (real world cold case) murder mysteries, which I did do.
I was able to view every single scenario as though I was a specific person in that mystery. For example, an innocent husband coming home to find his wife dead. Because he is a suspect it is not easily possible to view things from the perspective of the man were he innocent… However I was able to do just that.
I felt exactly like I was him, and that these experiences had happened and were happening to me. It is things like this which make me believe LSD may have applications in police work regarding cold cases, as it allows you to view scenarios in novel and unique ways. Sometimes noticing different details or focusing on strange aspects of a particular crime scene photo that no sober person would ever think of… But in many solved cold cases, it was something just like that (a fresh person coming in who had some fresh spun thoughts on the case) that led to some kind of breakthrough.
After enjoying thinking about this cold case, I became quite hungry. By now it was around 6 hours after I took my dose and I had not eaten in a long time prior to dropping the tabs. I ate perhaps 1500 calories of chocolate.
I began to post musings on the experience online which is my usual practice, while now again listening to repetitive electronic genre music tracks. The sound is amazing.
I have heard these tracks before but they are captivating me like a hypnotic trance. It is all electronic music with a driving and Ibiza-club type beat, somewhat like Elrow events, but with no lyrics at all. They really capture you and take them with their beats.
I then documented this experience here which I have now seemed to be finished with at 11:52 AM (about an hour after I started writing this report). I will very likely edit more in, but I am still under the influence of LSD and as such – while some things are better said now due to being fresh and salient in my mind, other things I think I will be more able to describe when sober, and will make the necessary edits.