Update: I now think I know the choking was caused by inhalation of residue which had built up in the mouthpiece of the vaping device, which unfortunately coincided with a nightmarish trip.
—
This is an experience I had breaking through on DMT solo (my other breakthroughs have been solely mixed with LSD).
I think this may have happened either because of frequent use – since I’m in the “honeymoon” phase with this substance – or because entering a breakthrough from a state of sobriety your ego is still in tact. On my LSD + DMT experiences my ego was gone and I think this helped.
Another factor may be that I have quit antidepressants. I was able to quit them solely due to the last DMT breakthrough I had while on a 5 strip of LSD, which I reported on this website. I have always taken about 5 half-lives off (Zoloft) between trips, but this time was more like 10.
Anyway I loaded up my vape with a usual amount, put on music although I now believe silence is preferable during a DMT trip, and pulled when it hit 175C.
Unlike any previous trip, it hit harder and faster. My LSD + DMT trips went deeper, but I took two pulls on those. This was on ONE pull of a usual length. And I was totally “gone” before I even exhaled.
And now the terror begins…
—
I THINK what was happening is that I was coughing and spluttering from the smoke, but as per usual the walls and lid of reality were taken away, and I’m in this breakthrough place but with my ego fully in-tact. I’m here in a state of sobriety and it’s overwhelming. There are entities and they taunt me, asking “do you think you can fuck with us?!” and as I was coughing and sputtering – presumably on the smoke – I became convinced that these entities were choking me and trying to literally kill me in the physical sense.
Usually I can let go in challenging trips, but because of the PHYSICAL symptoms I was feeling of choking, I panicked BAD. VERY BAD. And what took place I can only describe as a deathmatch in hyperspace. These beings I felt were toying with me, showing me that if they chose to they could end my life. I was fighting but I knew that they were powerful enough that I would not have a chance if they decided to do something to me.
The visuals were intense but I had complete tunnel vision as I was convinced I was going to physically die and that I had gone too far. Images crossed my mind of my family finding my blue asphyxiated body where the entities had strangled me to death. I barely noticed the visual aspect because I was so internally focused on preventing these things from choking me to death.
I pleaded for my life, I begged, I promised that if they let me live I’ll be good. I pleaded that they let me just go back.
At some point I snapped my eyes open. I was in my room but not really, I could see some familiar objects but a lot about it was also unfamiliar, and some things completely hallucinated (in other words were not there in reality at all). One of these things I recall was a triangle made of three deity faces, green, red, and yellow or something. But again I was panicking hard so I did not much notice these things.
I grabbed my phone, I pulled up WhatsApp to text my friend for help:
help
help
plz
help
help me
ive gone too far
help
help me
Over and over. As I messaged my friend there was a blanket/sea of what seemed to be fingers above me or encircling me. I felt that entities were watching me frantically message for help and were deriving pleasure from my fear and helplessness. At some point, an entity which I felt was reclining across me reached over and started pushing keyboard buttons for me or interfering with me typing. I did not want to look at it, I did not look at any of the things I felt the presence of, I just stared at my phone screen.
Unfortunately my friend did not check his phone in these few minutes so my pleas went unanswered…
I did eventually come down.
I do not know what caused the choking, I presume smoke which I would not know because I had broken through before or just moments after exhaling, but it triggered a chain of events that led to an outright panic and battle with all-powerful entities in a realm between life and death.
—
I got positives from this experience in any case… An enhanced appreciation for life (as I was convinced I was going to be killed by these things, so it was almost like a near-death experience), and also as a regular sufferer of night-terrors I have been able to sleep easier knowing that nothing could possibly ever compare to the panic and fear I felt during this trip.
It also did NOT undo my previous positive experiences, and I have not had symptoms of PTSD or trauma from the experience. The music I was listening to makes me a bit uncomfortable to listen to right now but that’s about it.
—
I THINK it’s possible that using DMT from a state of psychedelic-sobriety increases the odds of a frightening experience. When your ego is gone and you break through, it’s sort of like when you do something drunk – your mind is already altered so you do not feel the fear from what is happening and accept it more readily.
As such, those wishing to use DMT might want to first try LSD. Then low dose DMT on its own just to see the direction is wants to take you in. And then combine small amount of DMT with 300+ug of LSD. When your ego is already gone or fractured, the barriers are down when entering the DMT experience and thus it is more readily accepted.
With LSD I went far, far, far deeper to the point of unification with the singularity of existence itself, and yet there was no fear, and I think this may be due to the ego having been left behind.
With psychedelics the worst thing you can possibly do is fight, resist, and struggle. In this case I felt I had had no choice, as I was sure I was physically choking in the real world, and struggling felt to be the only way I could survive.
Solo DMT Breakthrough: Very bad trip, convinced I was going to die
May 31, 2020
N,N-DMT, Trip Reports
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Update: I now think I know the choking was caused by inhalation of residue which had built up in the mouthpiece of the vaping device, which unfortunately coincided with a nightmarish trip.
—
This is an experience I had breaking through on DMT solo (my other breakthroughs have been solely mixed with LSD).
I think this may have happened either because of frequent use – since I’m in the “honeymoon” phase with this substance – or because entering a breakthrough from a state of sobriety your ego is still in tact. On my LSD + DMT experiences my ego was gone and I think this helped.
Another factor may be that I have quit antidepressants. I was able to quit them solely due to the last DMT breakthrough I had while on a 5 strip of LSD, which I reported on this website. I have always taken about 5 half-lives off (Zoloft) between trips, but this time was more like 10.
Anyway I loaded up my vape with a usual amount, put on music although I now believe silence is preferable during a DMT trip, and pulled when it hit 175C.
Unlike any previous trip, it hit harder and faster. My LSD + DMT trips went deeper, but I took two pulls on those. This was on ONE pull of a usual length. And I was totally “gone” before I even exhaled.
And now the terror begins…
—
I THINK what was happening is that I was coughing and spluttering from the smoke, but as per usual the walls and lid of reality were taken away, and I’m in this breakthrough place but with my ego fully in-tact. I’m here in a state of sobriety and it’s overwhelming. There are entities and they taunt me, asking “do you think you can fuck with us?!” and as I was coughing and sputtering – presumably on the smoke – I became convinced that these entities were choking me and trying to literally kill me in the physical sense.
Usually I can let go in challenging trips, but because of the PHYSICAL symptoms I was feeling of choking, I panicked BAD. VERY BAD. And what took place I can only describe as a deathmatch in hyperspace. These beings I felt were toying with me, showing me that if they chose to they could end my life. I was fighting but I knew that they were powerful enough that I would not have a chance if they decided to do something to me.
The visuals were intense but I had complete tunnel vision as I was convinced I was going to physically die and that I had gone too far. Images crossed my mind of my family finding my blue asphyxiated body where the entities had strangled me to death. I barely noticed the visual aspect because I was so internally focused on preventing these things from choking me to death.
I pleaded for my life, I begged, I promised that if they let me live I’ll be good. I pleaded that they let me just go back.
At some point I snapped my eyes open. I was in my room but not really, I could see some familiar objects but a lot about it was also unfamiliar, and some things completely hallucinated (in other words were not there in reality at all). One of these things I recall was a triangle made of three deity faces, green, red, and yellow or something. But again I was panicking hard so I did not much notice these things.
I grabbed my phone, I pulled up WhatsApp to text my friend for help:
help
help
plz
help
help me
ive gone too far
help
help me
Over and over. As I messaged my friend there was a blanket/sea of what seemed to be fingers above me or encircling me. I felt that entities were watching me frantically message for help and were deriving pleasure from my fear and helplessness. At some point, an entity which I felt was reclining across me reached over and started pushing keyboard buttons for me or interfering with me typing. I did not want to look at it, I did not look at any of the things I felt the presence of, I just stared at my phone screen.
Unfortunately my friend did not check his phone in these few minutes so my pleas went unanswered…
I did eventually come down.
I do not know what caused the choking, I presume smoke which I would not know because I had broken through before or just moments after exhaling, but it triggered a chain of events that led to an outright panic and battle with all-powerful entities in a realm between life and death.
—
I got positives from this experience in any case… An enhanced appreciation for life (as I was convinced I was going to be killed by these things, so it was almost like a near-death experience), and also as a regular sufferer of night-terrors I have been able to sleep easier knowing that nothing could possibly ever compare to the panic and fear I felt during this trip.
It also did NOT undo my previous positive experiences, and I have not had symptoms of PTSD or trauma from the experience. The music I was listening to makes me a bit uncomfortable to listen to right now but that’s about it.
—
I THINK it’s possible that using DMT from a state of psychedelic-sobriety increases the odds of a frightening experience. When your ego is gone and you break through, it’s sort of like when you do something drunk – your mind is already altered so you do not feel the fear from what is happening and accept it more readily.
As such, those wishing to use DMT might want to first try LSD. Then low dose DMT on its own just to see the direction is wants to take you in. And then combine small amount of DMT with 300+ug of LSD. When your ego is already gone or fractured, the barriers are down when entering the DMT experience and thus it is more readily accepted.
With LSD I went far, far, far deeper to the point of unification with the singularity of existence itself, and yet there was no fear, and I think this may be due to the ego having been left behind.
With psychedelics the worst thing you can possibly do is fight, resist, and struggle. In this case I felt I had had no choice, as I was sure I was physically choking in the real world, and struggling felt to be the only way I could survive.