Personal Life Changes

At the baseline before use of psychedelic compounds I am on 200mg Zoloft (sertraline) per day for issues of anxiety and depression. Social anxiety is a prevalent issue I face.

Prior Psychedelic Experience:

As a much younger man I had experimented with the strong hallucinogenic compound Salvia Divinorum (Salvinorin A being the active component), but though the experiences were incredibly intense they did not ever seen real. As soon as I came back to reality, the visceral realness of the experience simply vanished.

I also had experience on a very small number of occasions with cannabis – a small number because I do not like the effects of the drug. It does not seem to me as though the psychedelic headspace is profound or meaningful, and the recreational effects can often be replicated better with different substances. The main benefit of cannabis seems to be that unlike the more effective substances, it can be used every day.

Cannabis however is the only substance I have had auditory hallucinations with. DMT has distorted real sound like how LSD can make textures and objects move, but the “entities” communicate with me telepathically rather than verbally. Often the only thing literally speaking is my own body… Cannabis gave me auditory hallucinations much like LSD closed-eye visuals.

I also had one experience with “Ecstasy” (active in this case unknown), ingested by accident in an unknown quantity from a bottle of water I was given at a large nightclub.

Monitored Changes:

My first experience with psychedelics during my actual journey into this field was with LSD. After just the first few experiences with this substance (a number of reports not put up on this website) I did find myself more open to other people around me. I felt that when I went to bars, I would socialize with people in a different way and people would respond to me in a different more positive way.

Rather than socializing with people from a guarded standpoint where I am trying to be liked (or who knows what), I found that I was actually connecting with them person-to-person. Which is something I had not really been able to do since a traumatic experience during childhood losing my mother.

The first major change in my persona came here:

This is the first experience after which I began to feel as though perhaps I did not need to take my antidepressant medicines anymore.

However it was not until a second breakthrough with DMT that I would say my life was completely changed.

The report of that trip is here:

After this trip I did not need SSRI medication anymore. It changed me completely for the better. I only sometimes drop pills of Zoloft occasionally to stave off the bad withdrawal symptoms (withdrawing on Zoloft can make you feel dizzy and naeseous and it can be hard to deal with). But I am no longer on a daily dose and could quit taking the medicine.

I am able to communicate with the people around me in a much more open manner even sober, and this is an effect apparently noticeable to others.

On a telephone call to a relative who had not spoken to me in months, they out of the blue remarked that I sound very different and “very well”. They said I sound much more positive than usual even in the tone of my voice.

I also seem to have regained some sort of sense of humor which I had really lost prior to this journey, following the trauma described which is the loss of my mother at the age of 14.

I am much more in touch with emotions. I find myself able to feel and express sadness more than before – for example a sad moment in a movie of TV show might hit me harder than previously. Physical crying seems to come easier be it through joy or whatever – essentially I am far more in touch with my emotions and able to express them outwardly rather than bottle them inwards.

I seem to have become completely closed off to the ideas and opinions of others. Theoretically this sounds like it would be a bad thing, but in fact for me it has led to very positive changes as I am naturally very easy to influence. I have learned to trust my own life experiences and insights when understanding the world around me rather than allowing myself to be distorted by the words of others.

I appear far more level-headed and even “wise”. I’m more able to understand the psychology between why people are acting a certain way, and more able to intuit what they are feeling or going through in a given moment.

I feel less so that I am more or less important than other people, I feel a sense of INHERENT equality (which I would say is a different kind of equality – i.e. we’re equal because we are expressions of one singular thing which is the sheet of existence) to those around me. This has been very beneficial in the treatment of social anxiety, it is possible I do not have or feel this condition anymore.